When Forever Comes

Book Series: Trevor Family Saga (Book 3)

Publishing Date: 1998

Author: Anita Stansfield

Publisher: Covenant Communications, Inc.

Category: LDS Contemporaray Romance
Point of View: Third Person, limited: Hilary and Jack
Chapter Count: 18
Page Count: 369

To my children: John, Jake, Anna, and Steve. No matter the obstacles that come into your path, remember who you are, and where you came from (Ether 12:27) 

(Jake served in the London, England South mission with my youngest brother who was his district leader. Jake runs his own online clothing business)

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to express my appreciation to those of you who took the time to help me through this project. Especially to Art and Dallas, and John and Stephanie. Your stories inspired me and gave me faith. Also, to Dianne, for always having the right answer at the right time. And to Jenny, for bringing Kenny into our lives. And in loving memory, to my mother, for always being there for me.

Prologue: Mount Pleasant, Utah

Meet Hilary Smith. Brought up in a small farming community, just south of Provo, she is attending the funeral of her favorite older brother, Jeffery, who died very unexpectedly in a freak farming equipment accident out in the fields. Hilary is the youngest and has been living in Provo, taking classes at BYU for the last year. All her siblings are married, her parents are empty nesters. Her return missionary boyfriend, whom she waited faithfully and stayed true for two years, came home and dumped her for another girl. That rejection, along with the devastating loss is very discouraging as she is the only one at the gravesite with no shoulder to cry on. No husband to mourn with her. Then she sees Janna Trevor, her happily married friend with her husband Colin, in the crowd. The two women embrace. Hilary is very grateful to have a friend.

Chapter 1- Three months after the funeral, summer is nearly over. Hilary has spent it here, in her hometown, on her parent's farm and will be returning to Provo for another year at BYU.

She runs errands but the old farm truck is balky making Hilary curse in a very unladylike manner (is garbage a swear word?). She stops to get gas and check the oil. The attendant who helps her looks very familiar. He knows Hilary; been nursing a crush on her for years. Hilary is not flattered, if anything his carefree, positive attitude only reminds her of her deceased brother, the last subject she wants to talk about. Hilary informs him her brother is DEAD and drives off in a huff.  

Jack Hayden stands in shock, watching Hilary drive away. He had no idea his best friend from high school died and he missed the funeral because he just got back from his mission. Jack decides to pay a visit to the Smith farmhouse that evening where he is warmly received by Hilary's parents and invited to stay for dinner. Hilary is not so welcoming. For her, Jack has  always been that redneck with the annoying Texas drawl, toothpick dangling from his mouth and while he dresses like Larry the Cable Guy, he looks like Matthew McConaughey. He is the last person in the world she could ever go out with. Jack hangs around all evening. He even follows Hilary outside to help her weed the garden and tease her about her name, (Hilary S. equals Hilarious, get it?)

Chapter 2- Next day, Jack invited himself over to help the Smith family bale hay out in the field. Hilary drives the tractor (don't get gonorrhea!) and has to wear a bandanna over her face because she is highly allergic to alfalfa. Jack thinks this is, well, hilarious! Hilary scowls.

Jack stays for dinner. When he learns Hilary needs a ride to Provo next week, he offers her a lift in his truck since he's enrolled at BYU as well. 

Hilary settles into her new apartment with three roommates who are nice but she's not close to any of them. Weeks pass and Hilary is starting to feel lonely and homesick when Jack comes knocking. He'd like to take her out. On an actual DATE (you know, planned, paid for, paired off) if she'll have him. Just as friends, if that's what she wants. Reluctantly Hilary agrees and, to her surprise, ends up enjoying the evening: casual dinner out, miniature golf afterwards. Jack is a perfect gentleman and doesn't even try to kiss her good night. Good thing, as he had that toothpick in his mouth the entire date.

Hilary finds herself calling Jack whenever she needs an emergency ride around Provo. Jack is always happy to oblige. She takes him a plate of cookies and is impressed to find him in Sunday dress about to leave to do his home teaching. He takes her home for the weekend and comes over for Sunday dinner. Hilary's ex-boyfriend's fianceé is throwing a bridal shower next weekend with the entire community, including Hilary's mom, invited and she wants Hilary to come. Jack offers to drive her. Hilary is angry. The last thing she wants is to attend a bridal shower for the woman who stole her ex. On the return trip to Provo, Jack tells Hilary, in all seriousness, she deserved better than that jerk, Leon. Jeffery would agree and would tell her to go to that silly shower to prove it doesn't bother her. Hilary won't do it.

Chapter 3- Hilary's roommates giggle and tease her about her new boyfriend which Hilary denies. She and Jack are just friends. As two of her slightly overweight, homely, roommates complain there are no good guys left, Hilary inwardly criticizes them for not making themselves more marketable while her third roommate overcompensates for her boy-crazy attitude by dressing like a fashionista. Hilary knows she's no prom queen herself (is the pot calling the kettle black?) and could stand to lose a few pounds. Deciding she needs to give herself a complete makeover, Hilary calls Janna who takes her shopping and out to lunch.

With total support from her family, and because she never earned a college degree, Janna is going back to school to major in nursing so she can help other battered women, like herself, to heal. Hilary confides her feelings about Jack. She's just not that into him, but no one else is asking. What can she do? Janna is a walking self-help book: make a diet and exercise plan, increase scripture study and prayer, buy new clothes and makeup, get something new done with her hair which is long, light brown and perfectly straight. Then go to that bridal shower and show everyone she doesn't give a flip about the engagement. Janna even buys one of Hillary's new outfits for her: a classy power suit that makes Hilary look five pounds thinner.

Hilary admits she's been contemplating getting a perm. Janna encourages her to do it. (No, don't do it Hilary! Perms for long hair are NEVER a good idea, I don't care what age you live in.) Janna recommends she pray about it. Hilary does and gets the impression that getting a perm is something God wants her to do (whatever). She is pleased with the result.

Jack pretends to faint when he arrives to pick her up, he's so overcome by The New Hilary who laughs and refuses to kiss him.

Chapter 4- The bridal shower is endured better than Hilary expected. Her feelings of bitterness toward her rival are gone, replaced by new confidence and hope that her soulmate is out there, somewhere, just waiting for her to come along.

During the drive back, Jack gets her talking about her hobbies and interests. Hilary loves to dance and enjoys her job teaching classes at the local dance studio in Provo. Dance is her major in school and she excels in all styles: ballet, tap, jazz, modern, you name it. Her goal is to make dancing her life's work.

A few weeks pass and Hilary starts going out with a young man named Robert, a return missionary and a student at BYU. He wants Hilary to spend Thanksgiving with him, meeting the family (which means this is serious). Jack is very quiet when Hilary announces she won't be needing a ride home tomorrow for Thanksgiving.

Hilary goes out with Robert that night who assaults her in the car, kissing her in a very disrespectful way; acting confused when she pushes him off and flees into her apartment. With all her roommates gone for the holiday weekend, Hilary paces, upset, feeling scared and vulnerable. She calls Jack who comes right over to take her in his arms and tell her everything is going to be okay while she cries on his shoulder. Hilary can't understand it. Leon acted like this too and she went along with it until they had to confess to their bishop. Is she some kind of target for sex-addicted men?

A knock at the door interrupts their soul-sharing. It's Robert, back for more. Hilary is giving him a piece of her mind when Jack steps out from his hiding place behind the door to tell Robert to take a hike before Hilary's "big brother" gives him what for. Looks like Hilary will be going home for Thanksgiving with Jack after all.

Jack spends all Thanksgiving weekend at the Smith farmhouse where he's practically part of the family now, taking the place of the son and brother they lost. Jack admits that was his intention. As he confesses to Hilary, her brother saved his life by keeping him on the straight and narrow with his example: being his friend at church and school when everyone else shunned him, encouraging him to go on a mission and keep his standards high. Growing up in a dysfunctional family with parents who drank, smoke and were basically inactive LDS members, Jack is the only member of his family who stayed strong, all thanks to the fellowship of Jeffery Smith and the example of her family.

Hilary is stunned, she had no idea of the personal struggles Jack kept hidden in his heart all these years. He drops her off at her apartment. As he watches her walk to her door, he wishes, for the hundredth time, he could just make her his. 

Jack focuses his time and energy on his job and BYU classes. His boss, Ammon Mitchell (what a small world this is!) is a good man who owns his own construction business and is happily married with two kids. While Jack is pretty handy with a nail gun and hand plane, he's also good with computers. Ammon is very grateful when Jack is able to fix their network after it crashes. This could come in handy in the future. (Foreshadowing!)

Chapter 5- Hilary and Jack are officially friends. They go out almost every weekend and have a great time. One night, Jack decides to surprise Hilary at the dance studio where he finds her dancing alone, oblivious, lost in the music. She's good. She is beautiful. Leaping and twirling, dancing like she's never danced before (She's a maniac, maniac on the floor!) Just before she pulls the water cord, Hilary sees Jack and stops, breathing heavily. She's glad to see him. Happy to demonstrate some of her favorite ballet positions. Following her directions, Jack supports her as she pirouettes once, twice and extends into an arabesque.

Changing into jazz shoes, she pulls Jack into another song from the (1983) Flashdance soundtrack. Feeling like he's stepped into an erotic fantasy, Jack holds her tight in his arms as they sway and move around the studio. Hilary has never been this open or intimate with him.

He gives her a ride back to her apartment. Both reflect what a fun, impromptu, date this turned out to be.

It is April and Jack phones Hilary to inform her his dad died. Hilary makes arrangements to be there for the funeral. Jack is touched and glad for the company during the one hour drive south to their hometown. At the internment, Jack cries on her shoulder. Hilary knows exactly how he's feeling, she's been there.

Jack's mom isn't taking her husband's death well. Hilary offers to run into town to fill her tranquilizer prescription where the still single, very obese, woman from Hilary's class in high school is now working behind the counter who smirks and congratulates Hilary on catching the last, most eligible bachelor left in this town. Everyone was beginning to think Jack was gay, since none of the girls here were ever good enough for him. Offended, Hilary corrects her and leaves, infuriated. Stupid small town where everyone is always in each other's business. For the last time, she and Jack are JUST FRIENDS!

Before hitting the road, they visit the cemetery one last time where Jack shares his deepest feelings with Hilary. He wants so badly for them to take their relationship to the romantic level but Hilary just can't see herself marrying a man who shares the same standards and principles as her, spending eternity with him and having his babies; just because he's her best friend. (She's an idiot.) A platonic hug is all she can offer him.

Jack sobs all the way back to Provo while Hilary drives.

Summer arrives. Jack moves back to Mt. Pleasant while Hilary stays in Provo to continue her teaching job at the dance studio which, miraculously, pays enough for Hilary to purchase her very first car. Jack spends so much time at her parent's house, he practically lives there, as Hilary discovers when she drives home for a surprise weekend visit and finds Jack in the guest bedroom. She has big news. She's met someone and is getting married! She wants to serve a mission! She'll be turning twenty-one this fall and since she has no marriage prospects (excuse me?) it seems like the thing to do. (Would she have gone at nineteen?)

Her parents couldn't be more supportive. Jack is reticent but volunteers to donate a couple hundred dollars a month in support, since her family is both respectfully poor and humble.

Back in Provo, Hilary has brought Jack over to meet Janna and Colin and share her big news with them as they sit down to dinner together where Janna and Colin also pledge financial support.

Hilary puts in her papers and is called to Bulgaria (a small country in Eastern Europe bordering the Black Sea) The evening before she is to be set apart, Jack takes her on one last date to a nice restaurant. Hilary makes a long, affectionate, speech telling Jack that while she's gone, he really needs to meet a nice, cute, Mormon farm girl and settle down (Jack swipes right on his phone before looking up, "Sorry, you were saying?")

Before walking her all the way to the front door of her apartment, Jack takes Hilary in his arms, begging for just one kiss. Figuring it couldn't hurt, Hilary closes her eyes and is surprised at the fireworks his first kiss sets off inside her. Jack loves her. He says it. Out loud. Hilary calls her bishop and cancels her mission Are these two EVER going to get together? My apologizes for the length but this chapter was 28 pages long!

Chapter 6- Jack joins her parents for both the MTC and airport sendoffs. At first, he writes her faithfully every week. Hilary writes back about her growing attraction for one of the male converts she helped commit to baptism: an exotic gypsy, just her age and very single with a strong testimony of the gospel. Jack is very troubled.

Remembering what Hilary told him before she left, Jack is standing in line at a fast food place near BYU when the cute girl behind him starts chatting him up. He finds himself flirting back. She looks familiar. She is Lorie, Hilary's "fashionista" roommate who kissed all the boys and made them cry. Learning Hilary has taken an eighteen month leave, Lorie wastes no time making her move. They end up spending the entire day together where Jack finds himself confiding everything to Lorie: his hopes, dreams, life goals. Lorie insists she feels the same way he does, about everything that is most important to both of them. She especially loves the idea of settling down as a farmer's wife, embracing small town life and raising a passel of kids.

She squeals with laughter when he reveals to her (and the reader) that Jack is not his real name, he was born Jonathan Stewart Hayden. Not even Hilary knows this. Lorie is impressed and starts calling him Jon from that moment on. Jack is a little annoyed but decides he won't make an issue out of it.

Dropping Lorie off that night at her apartment, she invites him to kiss her and he does. Weeks pass and he and Lorie spend more and more time together. Before he realizes what's happening, Jack finds himself engaged to be married to Lorie who is merrily planning their wedding in the Provo temple and addressing invitations. At the same time she is also changing him in ways that make him uncomfortable: buying him new clothes, insisting he only listen to her music and watch movies he's never cared for. Their tastes are so different, but she's such a babe. With her type-A personality and physical attractiveness, he hasn't thought about Hilary or written to her in weeks. It's obvious Lorie is Jack, er, Jon's true eternal soulmate. It's too late to back out now.

Over in Bulgaria, Hilary opens her "Dear Jane" and bursts into tears. Jack didn't even mention the lucky girl's name. She's happy for her best friend but she'll have to really focus now on the work as her companion tactfully points out.

When the wedding announcement comes, Hilary sees the picture and hits the ceiling. Not Lorie! Anybody but HER! At her companion's suggestion, she writes Jack a letter of warning.

Two days before the wedding, Jack receives Hilary's letter, decides she's jealous, acting overly judgmental and marries Lorie anyway!
Their wedding night is incredible, the honeymoon like something out of a dream, but the minute it's over, the problems begin: Lorie would rather work in Provo than keep house in Mt. Pleasant, she prefers spending time with her friends and begins keeping very late hours while Jack runs the farm all by himself. He's miserable. He's lonely. He sacrifices his dream by leasing his family's farm and following Lorie to Provo but it's obvious she doesn't want him around and lied about everything she promised to do after they were married. Oh, and she's never having kids. She hates babies, they ruin the figure. 
Jack moves out, suggesting they just annul the marriage or get a no-fault divorce. They have nothing in common anymore. Lorie lets him go. Just like that, their temple marriage is over. Jack feels some degree of relief to get his name back. (Huh?) Now he can be "Jack" again but he feels like a failure. As well you should, Jack.
Hilary's parents phone inviting Jack to join the family for the traditional over-the-top Mormon missionary homecoming welcome at the airport. Hope surges in Jack's broken heart.

Chapter 7- Hilary is glad to see Jack amidst the crowd of family members. She suppresses the urge to shout "I told you so!" when she learns Jack left his new bride almost immediately following the honeymoon.
Weeks pass. Hilary resumes her old life in Provo and BYU, her old job, even her old apartment with two of her former roommates. She and Jack talk on the phone almost every week. One day he calls asking her to come over. He's very upset. Lorie just informed him she's pregnant. It turns out to be another of her lies but Jack's life is a mess.
On a hot night in June, Jack finds Hilary dancing alone at the studio again. Flashdance appears to be the only "mix tape" she ever listens to. Jack is turned on anyway. They slow dance together and Jack follows his impulse to kiss her. He wants to take her out on a date, just as friends. 
The initial feelings of attraction Jack ignited in Hilary before her mission are back, stronger than ever. They spend an evening together at someone's wedding reception and Hilary can hardly stand it. How could she have been so blind? Jack is the perfect man. She was such a fool.
Just to be sure, Hilary fasts and prays for a confirmation and gets a resounding YES! She asks Jack to marry her (who says women can't propose?) and he accepts. But, Jack can't shake this foreboding feeling, a premonition, that something is going to happen to him. Hilary reassures him they're just suffering pre-wedding jitters. They love each other. What could go wrong?

Chapter 8- With absolutely no mention of meeting with their bishop to discuss that little problem regarding a temple sealing cancellation for Jack, a wedding date is set and Hilary's parent's (who knew about Jack's first marriage) don't even blink an eye. Lorie is indifferent.
Hilary and Jack make many trips to Mt. Pleasant so Jack can continue to help her family on the farm. It is hay baling time. One day, both Hilary's parents had to go to Provo for an appointment and Hilary needs to run errands. Jack is all alone out in the field, driving the faulty tractor with the inadequate lift. It is inevitable that one of the unsteady bales of hay would fall the wrong way. Jack is knocked off the tractor onto the ground which is where Hilary finds him; in pain, unable to move his legs. She calls 911 then has to return to the house to shower, change, and take an antihistamine for her severe allergy before driving to Provo to be with her fiancé in the hospital.
Jack suffered a serious spinal cord injury. He'll never walk again. Hilary thanks God she finally saw the light and fell in love with him just when he needed her most. She is a strong woman. She still wants to marry him so she can be there for him. They will face the biggest trial of their lives, together. 

Chapter 9- But it's not going to be easy. Jack puts on a brave face for all his visitors but Hilary knows something has died inside her boyfriend. She excuses herself to the ladies room for a good cry. Jack is withdrawn and depressed while Hilary continues to cope by following her daily work routines when she's not at the hospital.
Janna finds Hilary at the studio, she just had a feeling. Hilary cries and spills everything. Now that she knows the story, Janna advises Hilary not to make the same mistake her husband did when she spiraled down into chronic depression: no coddling, set firm boundaries while giving full support so Jack can reach his goals at becoming self-sufficient while they continue to plan their wedding.
Sitting alone in his hospital room, brooding, Jack wonders if life couldn't get much worse when Lorie comes knocking. Jack calls her a hypocrite and tells her to get lost. He points out if she were to take her ex-husband back it would mean a drastic change in her lifestyle. Realizing she's not ready for that kind of commitment, Lorie exits without another word. We never see her again.
Hilary enters and tries to psych Jack up about their upcoming wedding but Jack isn't so sure he deserves that kind of happiness again. He doesn't want to be a burden to her or anybody.

Chapter 10- On the day they were to be married, Hilary decides to surprise Jack with a romantic candlelight dinner. Conspiring with their favorite nurse, Jack is wheeled into his hospital room but he's cynical. Nothing's going to change the fact he's a broken man in a wheelchair who will never be a true patriarch to his family. Hilary sobs and sobs as Jack reminds her of everything this accident took away from them. They can never have a normal life. Jack does appreciate her kind gesture this evening and he does apologize for his harsh words. Hilary forgives him and they part on amicable terms.
Filled with new hope, Hilary calls her female boss, the owner of the dance studio who once offered Hilary the business. The offer is still open and Hilary knows the time is now. She's also been taking care of all of Jack's bills and reading everything she can get her hands on about spinal cord injuries similar to Jack's. Since Jack's pretty much living at the hospital, she moves into his empty apartment. During one visit, she borrows a hospital wheelchair and spends hours experiencing life from a different point of view. She returns to Jack's room, humbled.
Janna talks Colin into taking Jack into their home after he's released from the hospital. Ammon is happy to help them with the necessary home remodeling (good thing Colin's a rich-ass lawyer). Jack is so touched by everyone's kindness, he hardly knows what to say.

Chapter 11- Jack settles into the Trevor home and is hanging out in the kitchen with Janna one afternoon when her two youngest girls return from school. Mallory is in first grade. She takes one look at their new house guest and begins pestering Jack with questions. She brings him her favorite stuffed animal to help him feel better but before she can grill him further on how he uses the potty, (he has a catheter) Hilary sends her off to play.
A few days later, Hilary takes Jack to see the newly vacated, handicap accessible apartment she just rented for their new life after the wedding. Not an easy feat as these apartments are in high demand. (The deposit alone probably set Hilary back quite a bit). Jack is hesitant but Hilary is anxious for them to get on with their lives. For her, this is an answer to her prayers.
Discouraged by Jack's attitude, Hilary talks to Janna who throws an informal party. Everyone's invited: Jack and Hilary, Ammon introduces his wife Allison to everyone for the first time, then the doorbell rings and Janna ushers in our favorite family counselor, Sean O'Hara and his wife Tara. Allison is delighted to see Sean after all these years. What small world this is! All tuck into the nice dinner Janna prepared and the pleasant evening is enjoyed by all.

Chapter 12- Their friends and family help Jack move into his new apartment but he's still depressed about the future. Jack believes because of his injury, he can never "get it up" again and enjoy a normal married life. It takes a lot of prying and coaxing but, at last, Hilary gets Jack to talk and straightens him out. Apparently, Jack's injury isn't as serious as we were told. He CAN be sexually active and they will have lots of babies. It's possible. Even without the Viagra. (um, I Googled this and...it's not) For Jack, this changes everything. The wedding is back on!
They spend Thanksgiving at the Smith farmhouse where Hilary's Dad clears his throat while Mom giggles, blushes and looks away as the happy couple announces they will be able to present them with lots of little grandbabies after all. Adoption won't be necessary (Oh, yes it will).

Chapter 13- Hilary and Jack are married in the Manti temple. The ceremony is truly beautiful with Colin and Ammon supporting Jack so he can kneel at the alter (for the second time) and be sealed to his (second) bride.
During all this time, no one from Jack's immediate family have been truly supportive. His mother stopped by the hospital once but practically ran away screaming. She did attend the reception of her son's first temple marriage to Lorie but was glaringly absent at this one. Jack's brothers make a brief appearance at this reception but don't stay long as they clearly don't fit in. As far as the Hayden family is concerned, Jack is a freak and they want nothing to do with him.
Before entering the honeymoon suite at the best hotel in Provo their limited budget can afford, Hilary plops herself down in Jack's lap so he can "carry" her over the threshold. Jack weeps at the wholesome, unravished, virginal beauty of his bride, eager to consummate their marriage. He is the luckiest man on earth.
They spend Christmas in Mt. Pleasant where Jack enjoys the best holiday of his life. He feels truly part of an eternal family now. As Jack and Hilary settle into their married life in their new ward, Hilary accepts a primary calling while Jack refuses his, blaming his physical limitations on his ability to serve in the church. Their new home teacher just happens to be married to a woman confined to a wheelchair. He offers his wheelchair accessible van to them anytime Jack needs a ride.
Because money is tight, Hilary takes a second job while Jack literally sits around the apartment all day playing his Xbox feeling sorry for himself, putting off going back to school so he can get a job and support his wife believing, with his physical limitations, no satisfying work exists for someone like him. He's never been much of a cook or housekeeper so Hilary continues to do it all. She is understandably miserable.
She visits Janna, pours her heart out and cries on her shoulder until Janna tells her the obvious. Give Jack the ultimate ultimatum. Shape up or she's moving out! Hilary dries her tears. She knows what she has to do.

Chapter 14- Hilary returns to the apartment and starts packing while Jack watches in consternation and disbelief, waiting to call her bluff, but Hilary walks out the door. Jack just sits there like an idiot until the room grows dark and he realizes she's not coming back.
Hilary fled back to Janna's where she spends the night. Next day, Jack calls his home teacher for a ride and finds Hilary curled into a fetal position on the dance studio floor. Jack apologizes, promises to start contributing more and Hilary takes him back.
Four months later, Jack has regressed back to his unproductive lifestyle, the apartment is a mess and Hilary is frustrated. She sits him down (pun intended) to discuss the issue but nothing changes. Realizing this calls for drastic measures, Hilary cuts the cable and refuses to pick up the remote for Jack when he drops it. (Wow) Hilary leaves for work the next morning ignoring Jack's whining that he's missing Gilligan. With no motivation to get up, Jack stays in bed, surrounded by a filthy apartment. Ammon comes knocking and lets himself in. Seeing Jack he gives him a pep talk about focusing on the positive which motivates him to get up and start cleaning.

Chapter 15- Hilary is very impressed when she returns home to find a relatively clean apartment and a hot dinner prepared by Jack waiting. From then on, Jack begins putting more effort into changing his attitude. With Hilary's encouragement, he reads his patriarchal blessing and realizes, with his past knowledge and experience working construction, he could work retail at a building supply store. He gets the job and Hilary is delighted. He'll take the bus at first but with the additional income, Hilary can quit her second job and he'd like to start shopping for a handicap accessible vehicle he can drive.
He goes back to school, back to church where he accepts a calling as young men's president over thirty-seven boys (wonder how many of them are active?) it's a bit overwhelming at first but Jack finds his new life rich and full. He gets together with Ammon, offering helpful advice on floorplan designs. Months pass. Hilary is still not pregnant. Jack is also discouraged and it doesn't help that Janna just popped out another baby. Jack and Hilary resolve themselves to having more faith.
One Sunday afternoon, Ammon and his family drop in to visit. Ammon wants to build Jack and Hilary a real home, specially designed to fit their needs. Jack argues they can never afford this but lucky for all of them, Allison just happens to have connections to an insanely rich financial backer who is always looking for a good cause. They can refinance and pay Allison's stepfather, Michael, back later, even though they've never met. The house is completed quickly. Everyone lends a hand to help them move in and Jack and Hilary are very grateful.
Then Janna is attacked. Her abusive, incarcerated, ex-husband Russell got out on another parole and, like any good psychopath, his first item of business? Kill Janna! Lucky for Janna, teenage Matthew just happened to be staying home from school that day and intervened, wrestling the gun away from his stepfather. Matthew was about to turn the weapon on the evil perpetrator but Janna talked him out of it. The police arrived (late as usual) and hauled Russell away, this time for life.
Jack and Hilary find everyone in the Trevor household shaken and in shock from the events of the previous night. Janna won't get out of bed. Jack helps Colin give her a blessing. Hilary has a heart to heart with her friend. Jack talks to Matthew about overcoming trials and challenges. Everyone feels better now. Jack learns his mother passed away but he doesn't seem too bothered by it.

Chapter 16- After what happened to Janna, Jack has become paranoid something similar might occur in their home with himself powerless to defend his family. Hilary and Janna both talk to Jack and calm his fears. Jack decides to try a little social psychology experiment by going out in public, sitting at the foot of a long flight of cement stairs outside an old government building, and waiting to see who might help him if requested. Two very rough-looking characters smelling of cigarette smoke turn out to be really nice and are happy to assist him. Everyone that day turns out to be diamonds in the rough. The experiment over, Jack in turn helps two LDS missionaries by giving them a lift to their next appointment. The Elders are impressed with his wheelchair accessible car. He returns home to report to Hilary who is very proud of him but also very depressed due to their struggle to get pregnant. She wants children so badly. Jack shares her frustration. He shares his trick, whenever he feels himself spiraling down, he goes to his happy place imagining the old days, remembering how it felt to stand, take Hilary in his arms and waltz her around a dance studio. They kiss and hope is rekindled.

Chapter 17- Degree in hand, Jack finds it challenging, stuck working retail, while job hunting for something better, where he can use his new knowledge effectively, but white collar jobs are slow in coming (join the club). He fast and prays. He talks to Ammon and realizes his career and place in life is back at his old job in the company office: manning the phones, moving paperwork, running the copy machine and picking up lunch for everyone. He has a knack for organization, efficiently matching contractors to suppliers (how did we ever survive without cell phones?) and using computer design software to create new, improved building plans. He's pretty much Ammon's new secretary and since Jack isn't female, Ammon offers him a partnership in the business, which is booming (at least until the housing bubble bursts) all thanks to Jack; Mitchell Construction is bringing in more money than ever before.
The Trevor family is also thriving as Matthew leaves to serve his mission and Janna continues to juggle homemaking life with volunteer work at a local crisis center for abused women.
Now Jack can focus on his church calling which becomes more significant when a new family moves in with their only son who is disabled and confined to a wheelchair. Bitter and angry at the world, cursing God for the disease he was born with, Jack makes it his responsibility to take the young man under his wing, mentor him, and get close to him without looking like a creepy pervert. Another boy in his group is sexually active with his girlfriend, drinks and smokes without shame. Jack gets him back on the straight and narrow by paring him up with the handicapped boy who'd like to pass the sacrament but can't maneuver his chair without help. Jack tells them how he overcame his rough start in life with his dysfunctional, inactive family. The other boy agrees to push the wheelchair so both can participate in fulfilling their priesthood duty during the meeting. He kicks his Word of Wisdom habits and is reactivated. Both boys benefit and set goals to serve missions. Problem solved.
One evening, Hilary can hardly eat her dinner, she feels so sick and nauseous. She runs to the bathroom to be sick. Realizing just how long it's been since her last period, she dusts off an old pregnancy test which shows positive. She visits the doctor who confirms it and Jack is just as happy and thrilled as his wife. At last, they're finally going to be parents.

Chapter 18- Hilary is four months pregnant when she runs into complications. Jack drives her to the hospital where the doctor declares Hilary will have to remain bedridden for the remainder of her pregnancy. Janna visits often to keep her company but Jack finds new self-worth as more of the household responsibilities fall to him and he does his best to take good care of his wife and make certain she has everything she needs; lots of VCR rentals, library books and magazines. Since he has complete understanding and empathy of her situation, Jack helps Hilary stay positive and their marriage becomes stronger than ever.
Hilary gives birth to a baby girl. They name her Erin Hilary Hayden. Janna throws her a baby shower. Matthew returns from his mission and stands in the circle for the baby blessing.
Reflecting on the number of years that have passed since his accident, Jack and Hilary are grateful for all they've learned and overcome. Jack has finally come to terms with his life and accepted himself. He's discovered he can do an awful lot, even in a wheelchair. Hilary calls him her hero. Jack returns the compliment. The baby lets out a loud burp and it's a happy

THE END

To Love Again

Book Series: Trevor Family Saga (Book 2)

Publishing Date: 1998

Author: Anita Stansfield

Publisher: Covenant Communications, Inc.

Category: LDS Contemporaray Romance
Point of View: Third Person, limited: Colin and Janna
Chapter Count: 16
Page Count: 292

No dedication just this…

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Through the course of writing Janna and Colin’s story, there were many people who gave their time and experience for the sake of making this project happen. To maintain your anonymity, I would simply like to express heartfelt gratitude to each of you who have shared your experiences with me, and also for reading the manuscripts. You know who you are. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Also, a special thank-you to Dr. James MacArthur, for having so much in common with Sean, and for his time and know-how. And to Linda and Carol at The Turning Point, for allowing me to pass their expertise along to my readers. And, of course, to my family and friends, who continue to give unending support; especially to Vince, for being my hero. And last, but certainly not least, to my Father in Heaven, for once again, sending me the miracles I needed.

Chapter 1- Picking up almost exactly where the last book left off, Janna is wearing her poofy wedding gown. She laughs as Colin carries her across the threshold of their hotel room. It is their wedding day and after a couple pages of plot exposition, (in case you missed the last book) Colin and Janna take off next morning in Colin's convertible for their honeymoon which Colin promises to be a trip around the world which actually turns out to be Las Vagas (before the awesomely tacky, family-friendly themed resorts from the 90's were replaced by the adult bars and clubs of today).

Janna and Colin stay at the (awesomely tacky) Excalibur, walk the strip, tour the Luxor, (back in the day of the river ride and ancient Egyptian attractions) admire the small Statue of Liberty facsimile but don't ride the New York New York roller coaster. (It IS pretty intense.)

Next stop, the beaches of southern California. The newlyweds spend several days at a private beachfront cottage with other (time-share?) vacationers before driving home to Provo. Janna has never been so happy in her entire life. She marvels that, even after all these years, Colin would choose her to be his wife. 

Colin gets a job offer with a law firm in Salt Lake and the family moves. Matthew's transition to his new school and neighborhood go smoothly. Soon after the family is settled, Janna announces she's pregnant. Colin is delighted.

Chapter 2- One morning, Colin's younger, married, look-alike brother is in town on a business trip and staying with the Trevors. Colin lets him borrow their car for his meeting and goes downstairs to finish a chore in the basement leaving his very pregnant wife alone in the kitchen.

Hearing voices, Colin comes upstairs just in time to find Russell Clark (on parole for good behavior) attacking Janna. Like the hero he is, Colin decks Russell and subdues him until the police arrive to march him back to prison. No early parole for him for a long time. Russell flashes an evil smile at Janna, promising they will meet again while Janna takes refuge in Colin's arms, shaken, frightened.

The baby arrives a few days later. It's a girl. They name her Caitlin.

One year later, Janna gives birth to another girl, Mallory (who will star in her own upcoming book) but Janna is not recovering from her encounter with Russell; sinking back into her old melancholy. Her years with Russell cannot be forgotten so easily.

To top it all off, Colin is in the office one day when a strange man enters and introduces himself as Miles Hayne, Janna's pervert of a biological father who committed incest with her when Janna was thirteen. Colin is not very polite in his reception. To make matters worse, today just had to be the day Janna decided to surprise Colin at the office by taking him out to lunch. She takes one look at her father and slaps him across the face. Taking his cue, Miles exits and Colin catches Janna before she collapses. 

Everything goes downhill from here. Janna grows more and more bitter, angry and depressed. It's more than just postpartum blues, seeing all her old dysfunctional relationships triggered something in Janna and it will take the rest of this book before she's able to come to terms with it.

Chapter 3- Janna struggles just to care for herself, her home and two babies. This dark cloud hanging over her just won't go away. Instead of taking Zoloft, Janna is overwhelmed by paranoia that any minute Russell or Miles will rush in and harm her family. Colin attempts to distract her with love, physical attention, gifts and suggestions of outings they can take, just the two of them, but Janna won't have it. 

Colin has a job offer from his old law firm in Provo. He's grown dissatisfied with the current Babylonian office atmosphere here in the city but Janna absolutely refuses to uproot herself and her children when she's feeling this lousy about her life. This issue leads to further contention and marital strife.

In desperation, Colin calls our favorite family therapist, Sean O'Hara, to save them. He drives to Provo to meet with Sean for some coaching on how to handle Janna but the techniques don't work unless the other person is willing to make an effort and Janna refuses to talk or share her feelings with Colin. Instead she takes out all her hatred and distrust toward all men on Colin who is starting to feel like a doormat.

At the office, Colin is mentoring two new junior law associates. One is an attractive, married, childless, non-member, named Lily Greene who makes the idea of leaving his shrew of a wife very tempting as Janna has been withholding sex since Mallory was born while Colin has been taking over more and more of the household tasks just to keep the peace. He knows something's gotta give, soon.

Chapter 4- One morning in October, Colin and Janna argue before Colin leaves for work. Colin delivers the ultimate verbal blow telling Janna he's just plain fed up with her victimized attitude and he's not going to take it anymore! 

After a hard day, barely able to focus on his work, it is a welcome relief when Lily stops by his office, asking for a ride home. They have become friends by this point and it seems harmless enough. Colin really wasn't looking forward to going home tonight anyway. One thing leads to another until Colin finds himself kissing Lily in the front room of her condo. Her husband moved out and they are in the process of a divorce which Colin has been helping her deal with. They are both lonely. 

As their kiss intensifies, Colin decides "to hell with it," takes Lily in his arms and carries her to the bedroom. When he comes to his senses, Colin sobs in agony while Lily comforts him. So they committed adultery, big deal. People do it everyday, but Colin knows better. He just burned his last bridge.

Back at the house, Colin's last words to Janna motivated her to get to work: she cleaned, ran errands, stocked the pantry, took a shower and cooked a nice dinner. She is ready to make up and commit to working out their problems but Colin doesn't come home until after everyone is in bed. He has no explanation for her. Feeling like a dirty whore, Colin takes a vigorous shower and crawls in next to his sleeping wife and cries himself to sleep.

Colin is an absolute wreck the next day. Unable to do his work at the office, he leaves and returns home to sit Janna down and confess everything. Janna freaks. She screams at him to get out and even helps him pack. They are officially separating until Janna can figure out how she's going to deal with this nuclear explosion. The fallout will take a long time to decompose.

Chapter 5- Colin checks into a motel and makes an appointment with Sean who is not his bishop but, after the conversation they have and the counsel Sean gives him, he might as well be. Afterwards, Colin drives back to Salt Lake and returns to the office to make a few calls and announces his resignation. He's moving to Provo, where the job offer at his old law firm still stands. Lily is upset they won't be enjoying an office romance like on TV. He accepts her goodbye kiss and arranges for flowers to be delivered to her place. He sends another bouquet to Janna. Warren Jeffs would be proud.

Colin talks to his bishop who is condescending and judgmental. He leaves feeling worse than ever. He drives home to Janna, hoping for some sympathy but Janna has none to give and kicks him out all over again; refusing to take him back. 

Tears streaming down his face, Colin drives aimlessly until he finds himself at Lily's. He goes in and they end up spending another night together. Colin wakes up in the night, groans and has another good cry in the arms of his new lover. Unlike Janna, Lily is full of kindness and affinity.

Next morning, while Lily is snoring away, Colin leaves a goodbye-no-hard-feelings-note on her bathroom mirror. Once again, he phones Sean immediately upon entering his motel room. Colin is one messed up man.

Chapter 6- Colin's confession to his stake president goes better. He is treated with compassion and understanding. There will be a disciplinary council. Colin will probably be excommunicated but forgiveness and eventual return to full membership is possible. Colin sobs into his motel bedspread feeling lower than he's ever felt in his life. Godly sorrow is a bitter pill to swallow.

He confesses all to his parents who now understand why Janna and Colin have separated. To add to the drama, his father has just been diagnosed with brain cancer but he'll go with Colin to his disciplinary meeting for the moral support his son so desperately needs right now.
Colin's final confession is to his ten-year-old son, Matthew, who wants to live with Colin. Janna practically throws their son at him, relieved to be free of the responsibility of her oldest child. Colin drives to Salt Lake to help move Matthew's bed and belongings to the Provo apartment he just rented. They have a nice chat in the car where Colin explains, using terms understandable to a child his age, why his mother is so mad at Colin and why Colin's activity in the church will be changing. With surprising maturity, Matthew agrees Janna has not been the easiest person to live with these last few months. Just the other day, Janna struck him for talking back and while Matthew admits he probably deserved it, it'll be nice living with Colin who is much more patient and agreeable. Colin is glad for the company his son will provide to ease his loneliness and discouragement.

Chapter 7- Colin's father comes with him to the disciplinary council, sitting outside while Colin goes in. Being excommunicated, no longer permitted to participate in Sunday worship services or wear the sacred temple undergarments, is the most terrifying thing Colin has ever faced in his life. (You'd think taking off said garments before having sex with Lily would've snapped him out of it to begin with. Most LDS adultery starts with the seemingly innocent decision of members' foregoing the hassle of wearing garments, leading to secretive behavior and dishonesty, ect.) His father holds him as he sobs his grief. He won't be alone. His family, sans Janna, will be there to support him every step of the way during his year long probation. 

Janna receives the news of his excommunication with cold indifference. The holidays arrive but for a man forced to share custody of his children, it is not a happy occasion for Colin. He runs into Lily for the first time since their last roll in the hay. He can't resist kissing her in the privacy of her office until someone interrupts them. Colin is relieved for the excuse he needed to escape.  

His father goes in for surgery and makes a full recovery. Lily phones Colin at the office while Matthew is staying overnight with Janna and Colin agrees to one last visit so they can discuss their relationship. 

Chapter 8- To Colin's horror, Lily is waiting in his apartment with candles and soft music playing. Refusing to let her seduce him, again, he sits her down and bears his testimony about his religion, his feelings for Janna and his firm, personal belief in monogamy. All evidence to the contrary, of course! Hearing the tragic story of Colin and Janna, Lily has a better understanding of why a casual sex relationship is impossible for this man. With the music still playing, she and Colin share one last dance. Colin whispers Janna's name. Taking her cue, Lily pecks him on the cheek and makes a graceful exit.

Unable to bear the solitude and his own dark thoughts, Colin takes refuge at his parent's house. Next day, he picks up Matthew where Janna is very rude, screaming at him to get out of her sight. Business is taking Colin out of the country to Japan where a foreign client needs an interpreter to finish his transactions with the law firm and since Colin served his mission to that country, he's the only one they can send who speaks the language. 

Matthew will stay with Janna in Salt Lake, missing school to help run the household because everyone, including Colin, is worried about her ability to function. Ever since Colin and Matthew moved out, Janna has been spiraling downward, refusing to seek treatment for herself. Knowing Matthew has everything under control, she lays down on her bed and allows the depression to consume her.

Scared at his mother's comatose behavior, Matthew phones Grandma Trevor. Nancy comes right over, calls paramedics and Janna is taken, not to LDS Hospital in Salt Lake which has one of the best psychiatric wards and addiction treatment center in the region, but south to Provo because this is where Sean O'Hara practices. Whatever.

Chapter 9- Colin's trip goes well but when he returns and learns what happened he rushes to Janna's side. Sean is waiting for him. Janna's nervous breakdown was a sign that there are deep, festering wounds that need to be cleaned out, felt, and dealt with (this will become a recurring theme in future novels) lucky for them Sean is here to guide them through this process. Colin feels guilty, like this is all his fault. Sean points out there were many factors, not just his adultery and excommunication, that led to this. Colin might need to prepare himself for a life without Janna who needs to reboot, start over, find herself again.

Janna's time in the hospital is spent reading books recommended by Sean, attending group therapy sessions and having many emotional purging sessions with Sean where new layers of healing have been discovered. Janna has learned much about dysfunctional, abusive relationships, dealing with stress and overcoming failure. It is agreed that when Janna is released, she will move into Colin's apartment and live alone while Colin already sold the house in Salt Lake and moved his family to a new home in Provo, where his parents will help babysit while he works, having full custody of the children.

Janna is bumming around her new apartment one day when Lily comes knocking having tracked down her lover's address. It doesn't take long for the two women to identify each other. No cat fights ensue over who gets Colin (think Dallas) but an understanding is reached. Lily leaves and Janna discovers she feels better about herself for the first time in years, having stood up to Lily and shown her the door. She tells Sean about her encounter and he's proud of her too. Seeing the competition, knowing how close she came to losing Colin because of her self-destructive behavior, Janna is starting to look at life a little differently now.

Chapter 10- At Matthew's soccer game, Colin surprises Janna by approaching and talking to her. Despite her cynical attitude toward him, Janna and Colin manage to have a calm, reasonable discussion about Janna taking the kids every other weekend which Colin has no problem with. Whatever makes Janna happy. He just wants them to be a family again but "Mommy weekends" become challenging as the loneliness is just too much for Colin who misses his children desperately. He finds himself missing Lily too and hurries to talk to Sean about his feelings in case he backslides again. To his surprise, Sean encourages him to test his ability to resist.

Colin begins phoning Lily every other weekend. Just to talk. Proving Harry and Sally CAN be friends so long as Colin stays close to his daily prayer and scripture study and out of Lily's bed!

One weekend, knowing Colin will be alone, Lily drops by for a chaste visit. Colin enjoys her company as they run errands, laugh and talk. Last stop is Matthew's soccer game. Lily waits in the car while Colin gets out. To his dismay, Janna actually stayed to watch instead of just dropping her son off like she usually does when it's her turn. Seeing Lily's blonde head in the passenger seat, Janna gets defensive. Colin has reassured her many times that Lily has never met the children and they haven't had any kind of relationship since before his excommunication but Janna is still weary.

Two weekends later, Lily phones Colin who knows they need to terminate this relationship. He points out to Lily the reality of what life would be like if they were to get married and move in together: she would be an automatic stepmother because Colin is a package deal. She would find herself left out of all religious activities that are so much a part of his life. She would be sharing his affection with his ex-wife, the mother of his children, whom he can never completely sever himself from because of his commitment to family. Since Lily has never expressed any desire to join the church or be a wife and mother, she admits Colin has a point. It would never work between them. Aside from sex, they have little in common. Colin hangs up knowing he still loves Janna while Lily will always be in his friend zone.

Chapter 11- As his one year anniversary approaches, Colin reflects on how much he's gone through since he cheated on Janna. As another Sunday comes around and Janna has the kids, Colin sits in his church meetings, alone, discouraged, feeling invisible, participation is forbidden, he may as well be hanging out with Lily. As he sits in sacrament meeting, Colin begins praying to be free of these negative thoughts and for the knowledge that his penitence has not been in vain. Suddenly a wonderful, warm feeling of peace engulfs him and he KNOWS he's been forgiven. 

Colin goes to his parents' home for Sunday dinner and they rejoice with him. He tells Sean who is equally glad. He reconvenes with the stake high council who approve his worthiness for re-baptism and they set a date. He calls his oldest brother who would be honored to fly to Utah and perform the ordinance. His brother is ignorant of the details but Colin promises he'll reveal all next week.

The last person Colin wants to share his news with is Janna but he knows they'll need Sean to mediate. All three meet in Sean's office where Janna declares she couldn't care less which church Colin is getting re-baptized into. She's never taking him back or forgiving him and that's that. Janna leaves slamming the door behind her. Sean tells Colin that Janna told him she doesn't want to be the first one to file for divorce; a good sign she probably still loves him. Sean promises to come to Colin's baptism.

Janna does make an appearance at Colin's baptism after all. He spots her just after emerging from the water. He hugs his brother. His father gives him a beautiful blessing, reinstating his membership, bestowing the Holy Ghost, warning him of the temptations awaiting him as it will take an additional year before he can return to the temple and full church membership and finally promising him the greatest desire of his heart, that his family will be reunited again (which means Janna will have to exercise her free agency and take Colin back).

Next day is fast Sunday. Matthew and Colin get up and bear their testimonies. Colin thanks everyone in his ward for their love and support. He is a living witness that repentance, the sacrament and the Atonement work and he has so much to be grateful for.

Next day he takes Matthew with him to the bank where Colin spent this last year depositing ten percent of all his income into a special account for the day he could pay tithes and offerings again as a member in good standing. The amount withdrawn is miraculous in itself which says a lot for Colin's ability to budget for two households-he's been paying for everything, including Janna's medical bills. They drop the tithing envelope off at the bishop's house (Isn't it great we can do it all online now?) and return home. Matthew is very proud of his father.

Lily phones the following weekend, knowing Janna has the kids and Colin is lonely but Colin is adamant this is the last time they can communicate with each other. If Janna divorces him, Lily will be first to know and if Lily ever expresses interest in learning more about his beliefs, Colin will send the missionaries to her door. Colin tells her to take care and hangs up then gets down on his knees to pray for strength to avoid temptation (at least until Tinder is invented!)

Chapter 12- Janna meets with Sean who repeats, for about the hundredth time, that Janna really needs to find it in herself to forgive Colin, forgive every man who ever hurt her, imagine herself rising above, standing up to her abusers, no longer a victim and move on. Get a job. Get a life.

Janna decides to start with finding a job. Since she's always been good at sewing, Janna applies for a position at a fabric store at the mall (absolutely unheard of today) and gets hired. Seeing her talent and potential, her boss quickly promotes her to creating store displays and taking custom sewing orders. Janna loves the work. She befriends a young BYU freshman named Hilary Smith (featured in the next book) who is waiting for a missionary. Another mall employee, a divorced man named Paul, notices Janna and starts asking her out to which Janna blushes and refuses. 

Colin meets with Sean and clutches his pearls as Sean gets him to admit that committing adultery was an enjoyable experience. The consequences were hell, true, but the relationship he had with Lily did teach him something about the importance of intimacy with a woman. Lily was completely giving in bed while Janna always held back. The irony is almost too much as Colin realizes Janna is the one that he wants, darn it! He'll keep holding out for her.

Matthew declares to Colin all he wants for his upcoming twelfth birthday is for Mom and Dad to be in the same room without arguing. Something else is bothering Matthew and Colin gets it out of him: Janna's been seeing some guy named Paul and Matthew is scared. He doesn't want his parents to get a divorce. Neither does Colin.

Chapter 13- At Matthew's birthday party, family only, Colin confronts Janna in the kitchen to ask about Paul. Janna calls him a hypocrite. It's none of his business. She's not wearing her wedding rings either, Colin notices. With cruel indifference, Janna replies she threw them away the day Colin confessed his infidelity. She might try it herself just to spite him. Colin reminds her of his personal experiences with the consequences of such a sin. Not something he recommends. He gathers the kids and leaves.

As Christmas approaches, Matthew tells Janna all he wants is for them to be a family again for the holiday. Janna agrees to host Christmas, invite Colin for both days and, yes, she'll be nice to him.

On Christmas Eve, Paul shows up at her door with a gift for her (He knows where she lives, he gave her a ride home once when her car wouldn't start. Touché, Colin!) which Janna accepts. He kisses her and takes his leave before Colin arrives with the kids to spend the evening. Learning Paul was here and left the freshly unwrapped gift, he is hurt at the competition. Still, Janna is torn between her feelings of reawakened attraction, thanks to Paul's kiss, which she'd like to direct to her husband but can't allow herself to feel. 

Christmas morning is enjoyed by all. Even Janna continues to be civil, yet, every time she meets Colin's eye, a rush of butterflies ensues. Sensing her feelings, Colin finds a quiet opportunity to take Janna in his arms and kiss her. Janna responds before remembering and pushing him away.

Colin is discouraged. It doesn't help when Matthew is ordained to the priesthood the following Sunday by his Grandpa Trevor and not his own father because Colin isn't eligible yet to be restored that privilege. Later, Matthew comes into his father's bedroom with Janna's wedding rings. He saw her throw them away last year and dug them out afterwards when she wasn't looking. Colin is comforted.

One night, while Matthew is getting the little girls out of the tub, Colin answers the door to find Miles Hayne has returned having tracked down Colin. He'd like to see his grandchildren and, as he catches sight of his two sweet, innocent, freshly bathed, with just their towels on, little granddaughters being ushered out of the bathroom, he licks his lips in anticipation and repeats his request. Colin tells him to go to hell, punches him for good measure and slams the door in his face.

Chapter 14- Janna talks to Sean about her torn feelings of wanting to take back Colin but afraid of being hurt again. She talks to her old visiting teacher, Karen, (see Return to Love) who tells Janna to count her blessings. Her ex-husband left her because of adultery and was never the least bit remorseful about it, unlike Colin. She talks to Hilary, who tells her about her aunt whose hubby also cheated on her but after a lot of counseling, tears and forgiveness she took him back and their marriage is stronger than ever. Janna is troubled hearing all this. What is wrong with her that she can't just let these feelings go?

Unable to take a hint, Miles Hayne shows up at Janna's door one night while Janna is alone. She dials 911. Her father leaves before police arrive. She files a restraining order anyway, surprised at herself for how good it felt to stand up to her abuser and not experiencing any of the negative feelings that tormented her two years ago. She must be getting stronger. 

Paul tries one last time to initiate a relationship but she refuses him, again. She contemplates how Colin probably went through these same scenarios with Lily and that's when it all clicks. Finally! Now she understands empathy. 

The next day is Friday, Valentine's Day is Saturday and it's Janna's weekend to have the kids. Filled with the discovery of new love, Janna drops the kids off at Grandma's, lets herself into Colin's house and gets to work. She cleans, cooks dinner and fixes herself up. Colin is going to be so surprised when he gets home... 

Chapter 15- Not looking forward to spending the most romantic day of the year tomorrow, alone, with nothing to occupy him, Colin enters the house, smells the food, sees the candles, hears the music and immediately assumes Lily broke in and is once again trying to seduce him. He yells his displeasure before he sees Janna on the stairs. Oops.

The reconciliation between them is almost too perfect. Just like that, Janna is ready to forgive Colin and be a family again. She'll be a wife to him, mother to their children and completely supportive in his continuing journey to full, card-carrying membership in the church, as she should've been all along. They go to bed together and, for once, Colin doesn't have to feel guilty about it the next morning.

Nancy calls wondering where Janna is since she didn't answer at the apartment. Colin informs her Janna is right here, smudged makeup, messy hair and all. Grandma tells them to enjoy the day and hangs up so Colin and Janna can get back to their heart-to-heart conversation. 

Janna knows how Mahana felt in that incredibly superficial Johnny Lingo movie. (The 1969 version and the reason young men no longer date young women anymore in the church today, too much pressure! Making every plain, homely, girl feel special? When he could hold out for a nine or a ten? That's just asking too much!) Colin assures her she was worth every cow penny it took to woo her back into his arms. At least 78 bouquets of flowers! (That really is asking too much!) They laugh as Colin admits he never did paint Lily's toenails. They drive over to the apartment and start packing Janna things. She's coming home.

Chapter 16- Colin and Janna waste no time going to see Sean to thank him for all his help and good advice in getting them back together. Colin takes her to lunch afterwards, where Janna admits she let her own temple recommend expire last year. She'll wait for Colin before she returns to make it more even. She'll also be quitting her job at the mall, now that she has a husband to support her. Colin is completely happy.

Some time later, Janna learns Russell is up for parole but she's not going into hysterics this time. Bring it on! 
Sure enough, only a few days later, Janna walks into her kitchen to find Russell waiting for her. He lifts his hand to strike but Janna is a new woman now. Before he can do anything she goes into self-defense mode (like Linda Hamilton from "Beauty and the Beast") using every technique she was taught: scratching his eyes, punching his throat and finally delivering the ultimate male pain by kicking him hard in the groin. Russell lay moaning on the floor. Janna meets Colin's eyes in the doorway and they exchange a triumphant look. The police haul Russell away, again, and Janna hugs Colin. Like the end of a horror movie, they are finally free of Russell. Janna has forgiven Colin for his terrible mistake and they can finally live happily ever after. This time for good.

The End