A Dance to Remember

Book Series: Keane Family Saga  

Publishing Date: 2006

Author: Anita Stansfield

Publisher: Covenant Communications, Inc.

Category: LDS Contemporary Romance

Point of View: Third Person Limited- Wade and Laura

Chapter Count: 20

Page Count: 425

For those who live in darkness. May you find your way into the light. 

Breathe, just breathe

No, the author isn't quoting from The Last Jedi but that 2005 hit Anna Nalick song "Breathe (2AM)" the chorus from which is printed here as part of the foreword.

Chapter 1

Salt Lake City, Utah

      Wade Morrison is sitting in sacrament meeting, marveling over the goodness of his life. Yes, he lost his beloved Elena but his half brother, Alex, and his family were there for him. Yes, he was born out of wedlock but God made it up to him by leading him to Laura, whom he married just yesterday. Laura is holding Wade's two-year old daughter, Rebecca, on her lap. Was it only two weeks ago he finally worked up the nerve to ask Laura out? And now, here they are-Just Married!

    After Sunday dinner at Alex and Jane's, Wade and Laura return to Laura's (their house now!) to put Rebecca to bed and begin what Wade insists will be their nightly devotional as a newly married couple reading scriptures together before praying. He also kneels down with Laura to offer a special dedicatory blessing on their home by the power of the priesthood. Laura goes to sleep wondering how she could ever be depressed again with this good man in her life.

   Wade on the other hand, is jolted awake by a foreboding, horrible, nightmare in which he dreamed of finding his dead wife lying in bed next to him all over again, except this time it was Laura. Wade splashes water on his face and is able to go back to sleep. 

   Next day, both go to their respective places of employment-Wade to the hospital as an intern to become a doctor, Laura to the pediatric clinic, both still on cloud nine from the honeymoon-to brag to all their friends and acquaintances that they are now "off the market."

   As the weeks pass, life couldn't be more blissful. But then, Rochelle, Laura's promiscuous friend calls. She's living in Chicago, working as an accountant, changes live-in boyfriends as often as she changes her designer clothes and nail polish. Rochelle loves her life. Laura insists she loves hers MORE!

   Wade gets a letter in the mail from his youngest Morrison brother, Brian, the one who rebelled in high school, took his mother's adultery that resulted in conceiving Wade the hardest, and swore he'd never serve a mission until he changed his mind and was able to reform enough to still qualify. He's serving in London (most likely the London England South mission because that's where the author's second oldest son, Jake, served with my youngest brother who was his district leader )

    Elder Morrison writes that no matter what happens, he wants Wade to know that God is mindful of us, loves us beyond comprehension and could Wade please share these inspired thoughts with Mom? Wade ponders how good life is.

Chapter 2

     Since nobody from this side made it to the wedding, Wade and Laura decide to take Rebecca to Las Vegas to meet Laura's dysfunctional family in a reserved room at a nice restaurant. Wade and Laura look the other way when Laura's mom and family order alcohol with their meal and drop a few cuss words. Dad inquires after one of Laura's friends, Tina. Laura is forced to admit Tina committed suicide. That's when Laura's alcoholic mother, who has been growing more intoxicated with every drink, makes an inappropriate comment about where this friend is now. Wade speaks up in defense of Laura, Tina, and their Mormon beliefs about the spirit world. Everyone is suddenly very accepting of Wade when they find out he's studying to be a doctor. Goodbyes are said. Wade and Laura put on some feel good music (Collective Soul of course) in the car for the long drive home. Laura is grateful to Wade sticking up for her in front of her family. It's nice to have a man in her life.

   Wade's next rotation just happens to be at the U of U ER where Alex just happens to work and ends up being the very doctor Wade JUST HAPPENS to get assigned to as Alex's student shadow.

   The rest of the chapter has Wade following Alex around the ER watching in awe as Alex brings a cardiac arrest patient back to life, counsels a distraught mother when she learns her teenage daughter is not the innocent virgin she thought and assists Alex in stitching up victims from a car accident.

   Just another boring day in the ER.

Chapter 3

      A few weeks pass and with the pretty fall colors coming on Wade, Laura, Alex and Jane decide to carpool up one of the canyons east of Salt Lake where they'll meet Neil and Roxanne for a nice dinner at an upscale restaurant.

    Everyone is chatting pleasantly in the car until...another famous Anita Stansfield car accident strikes again! But, for once, it doesn't involve our main characters who only witness the horrific collision of a pickup truck attempting to pass another car on the winding canyon road. The driver's side of the oncoming car took the brunt of the impact before the large truck rolled off the side of the road. How fortunate two doctors and a nurse just happened to be here. The car was carrying a baby in the back seat, not a scratch on him, while the couple in the front are in pretty bad shape. The husband is unconscious. It will take an extraction team to get him out of the mangled vehicle. The wife must not have been wearing her seatbelt because half her body went through the windshield. She is still conscious, lying on the hood of the car but her injuries are fatal. She's dying and she knows it. Laura talks calmly to her. Noticing her wedding ring, the woman asks Laura about her family. Laura tells her she and Wade just got married, that Wade is a widower and she's now the stepmom to a beautiful little girl. The woman breathes her final request-Wade should help her grieving husband and would someone please tell him...she loves him. Bye.

    The truck driver is dead and from the assortment of beer bottles and reeking smell of alcohol it was pretty obvious he was driving drunk because drunk drivers make such good scapegoats in these books.

    Jane is holding the screaming baby while Laura struggles to maintain a professional attitude as she witnesses a death, something she's never had to deal with as a pediatric nurse. The emergency crews arrive and everyone agrees they must return to the hospital so Alex can assist when the poor unconscious man, whose name is Cole, is brought in. Alex solemnly informs Cole his wife didn't make it but his friend Wade here knows a little something about losing a wife. He leaves the two men alone so they can talk and cry together.

   So much for a quiet dinner out.

   Oh, and someone should call Neil and Roxanne and explain why they've been stood up at the restaurant.

Chapter 4

     Jane thinks it would be a good distraction for her and Laura to grab a bite at Primary Children's cafeteria (where Jane practically lived all those years while Barrett battled cancer) before volunteering their services at said cancer ward. Laura can't believe Jane never went to nursing school, she's such a natural at this.

    A few days later the four adults attend the (LDS) funeral service for Cole's wife. Wade has another nightmare that night about finding a dead Elena/Laura in bed with him. Alex notices his preoccupation the next day and urges Wade to talk about it. Alex recommends Wade seek a priesthood blessing.

   A few days after that, they have Cole over for dinner. Everyone makes a fuss over the baby. Wade and Cole have another man to man about the nightmare of losing a spouse.

Chapter 5

    Six weeks after the wedding, the doorbell rings just as the happy couple and Rebecca are finishing breakfast. It's Randall who had no idea his ex-wife got remarried. He asks after Rochelle and her other friends. With a perfectly straight face, Laura informs him Tina's abusive husband caused her to spiral down until she shot herself while Rochelle is living the Kardashian lifestyle. Randall finally takes the hint and leaves so Laura can collapse into Wade's waiting arms, sobbing. He finds her later in the shower, huddled in the bathtub, sobbing. Alex and Jane take Rebecca for the day so Laura and Wade can talk about this latest issue. Laura relates the horrific ordeal of going through all of Tina's things at her apartment with Rochelle because Tina had nobody else in the world who cared about her. It was days before a neighbor finally called the cops about the smell and her body was discovered. Laura sobs all over again at the dark memories while Wade holds her. That night, Laura won't eat. Next day, Sunday, she's not up to going to church. Alex and Jane continue to keep Rebecca. Alex comes over later to help give Laura a priesthood blessing.

    One week later and Laura has gone to a place where no one, not even Wade, can reach her. So Wade does what he always does, he calls Alex who suggests they call Dr. Hadley, the same psychiatric doctor Wade saw when he made his suicide attempt in "A Time to Dance" but Wade is hesitant. It's not THAT bad. Surely Laura will snap out it soon...right?

Chapter 6

   Next day at work, Wade feels a strong prompting to return home. Alex tells him to go. With a terrible sense of foreboding, Wade enters the silent house to find Laura's suicide note, except she's clearly alive and sleeping peacefully on the couch. Furious, he shakes her awake, demanding an explanation about her suicide note. Laura hangs her head mumbling maybe it's better this way before looking guiltily toward the bathroom where Wade finds the little pile of pills Laura was intending to take and hits the ceiling. What exactly was her suicide plan?! He's more shocked than angry. While he struggles to understand how Laura could do this to him, she admits her plan to leave a voice message on his phone suggesting he not come home alone this evening and that...she loves him.

   Wade wastes no time calling Alex requesting he make that call to Dr. Hadley after all. Oh, and Laura could probably use another priesthood blessing.

   Alex tells Wade it is within his legal right to have Laura committed. Wade packs some of Laura's things and drives her to the facility where it finally dawns on Laura the seriousness of the situation and what's happening. She's hurt and upset as this only proves Wade wants out of the marriage now that he knows what she's really like. As Wade escorts his wife into the building, nothing more is said between them.

Chapter 7

     Laura is admitted and shown to her room. Wade fills Dr. Hadley (who is also an LDS stake president) in on everything that led up to this: how Randall showed up, reminding Laura of the dark issues from her past with her marriage to him and the suicide of her best friend which, he believes, is what prompted her to try this. Wade takes Laura by the shoulders, looks her in the eye and reminds her why he has to leave her here-she tried to take her own life today and until they can work through this, he needs to know she's safe. She'll be under constant supervision. The doctor has to physically restrain Laura who screams, then curses Wade for abandoning her. Fighting back his own tears, Wade follows the doctor's orders to just go. He can come back and visit soon.

   Naturally, Wade won't be going back to live in Laura's (their!) house during this time but moving back in with Alex and Jane who are perfectly accepting and welcoming. Wade can't help but wonder how something like this could happen to a good Mormon boy like himself. Why would the love of his life want to die?

   Next day, Wade is too upset to go into work with Alex but, it's okay, Alex made the necessary arrangements so they could both take the day off. Wade calls the clinic where Laura works to let them know she won't be coming in, probably indefinitely. She is allowed one month medical leave before they will have to let her go. Wade hopes this will all be over by then. He calls Laura's visiting teacher who gasps in all the right places and promises to keep Laura in her prayers. When he goes back downstairs, Neil is there. Wade tells him about the note and the pills. Neil takes his biological son in his arms where Wade cries like a baby. Neil is pretty well off, nevertheless, Wade declines any offers of financial assistance from him. He's selling the house. Laura's insurance will cover a good part of her hospital stay and he still has Elena's life insurance policy so he can continue his schooling and do his internship with Alex at the hospital.

    Five days later, Wade meets with Dr. Hadley, desperate to see Laura but the doctor is adamant-Laura is not in a good place right now which is actually a compliment to Wade. Because Laura had a man in her life who actually loved and cherished her, she felt safe enough to let all the bad stuff she'd ever experienced in her life-Mom's alcoholic rages, death of her best friend, her toxic marriage to Randall until it ended, the loneliness of being single-it all came out leading to her breakdown. The doctor assures Wade, when Laura is ready for some group therapy and counseling sessions, Wade will be the first to know. They'll need him. Wade cheers up a little learning this.

Chapter 8

   Wade follows Alex around the ER again trying not to react as they treat a woman who came in-clearly a victim of domestic violence. As she openly lies about her injuries, Wade fears he's going to be sick; the horror story Laura told him about her own friend. Alex hears it later after getting it out of Wade. For Alex, Laura's breakdown now makes more sense.

   The day of Wade's first visit with Laura arrives. Her "aide," Patty, watches through the window of the room while Wade and Laura look at each other. He takes a hesitant step toward her before taking her in his arms, silently initiating a waltz. Wade tells her he loves her and the spell breaks. Patty immediately enters to guide Laura out of the room. Wade rushes to his car where, for once, he doesn't cry but drives to the hospital where he's scheduled to follow Alex around on another shift.

    Wade observes Alex's futile attempt to revive a car accident victim from death but he's too late. Wade finds him in the men's room, not crying, just ruminating about the least favorite part of his job. He admits to Wade he's grateful Jane is such a loving, supportive spouse who doesn't mind his melancholy after returning home from days such as these. It's all part of their line of work. Dr. Morrison observes Alex as he breaks the news to the heartbroken family who are very sad but understand Dr. Keane (and Morrison) did everything they could to save their son. Then they go meet Neil for their lunch/dinner break.

   Two days later, Wade meets with both Laura and Dr. Hadley this time who prompts Laura to remember the good times she had with Wade before letting her depression drag her down. Laura snarls they are all wasting their time with her. She's a hopeless case and just wants to die. The session ends and Wade feels more alone than ever.

Chapter 9

     Wade visits Laura with Dr. H again present, to discuss the final sale of their house. Nonchalant, Laura shrugs, one less burden for Wade to concern himself with. Wade leaves and goes to the house to have a good cry, then decides he might as well check the answering machine while he's here. One message from Randall, one from her father in Vegas and three from Rochelle each with increasing concern and finally panic. Wade calls her but isn't really in the mood to go into details only that Laura hit a wall after Randall showed up.

   The house is put on the market and is sold just as Wade is packing up the last box. It's almost a relief to have it all over with. He always felt more comfortable at Alex and Jane's house anyway.

   Another session with Laura and Dr. H where he asks Wade to describe, in one word, how he feels about everything that's been going on. Wade feels betrayed. He reminds Laura of that conversation they had the night before they were married, how Laura promised him if she ever felt like she was slipping back into depression's dark abyss, she would talk to him, turn to him, trust him to rescue her. But she didn't. Unable to hear any more, Laura flees the room. Dr. H declares progress was made. Wade looks at him in disbelief before he is allowed to see Laura again today, just the two of them while Patty stands guard outside the door, she even turns her back to give them some privacy because Wade desperately needs to make out with Laura right now, show her just how much he loves her. He takes her face in his hands and kisses her. She responds until remembering how worthless and unlovable she is. Wade is glad to hear her admit she does love him but not enough to want to live. Wade practically runs out of the room and sits in the car, in shock, for a long time before driving home to sit some more in the front room of the historic mansion in the dark before Alex flips on the light and finds him. They talk some more. Because listening to Wade's blubbering is Alex's sole purpose in life.

Chapter 10

      Rochelle calls Wade. She's in town and wants to meet him over lunch. After learning what happened, she packed everything up, made arrangements to take a leave of absence from her job, flew to Utah and straight to the hospital to see Laura where she got the latest update from Dr. Hadley himself because, yes, she's that concerned. She and Wade have a good talk over hospital cuisine. Alex is also introduced who insists Rochelle will be staying at the house. Rochelle thanks them and leaves.

Except Wade totally forgot they invited (newly single) Cole over for dinner tonight. I think we all know where this B-plot is going.

     Of course, Rochelle and Cole hit it off immediately upon introductions. Alex and Jane demonstrate some ballroom dance steps and, because Cole and Rochelle haven't heard it yet, Barrett's cancer story is shared all over again.

    Unable to bear all this cheesy family fun, Wade leaves the house and drives to the hospital, desperate to see Laura who is too tired tonight from the side effects of the depression meds to protest when Wade enters her room and climbs into bed next to her. The fight has gone out of her and Wade feels hope for the first time in weeks.

Chapter 11

     Wade gets home to find the kids in bed, Alex and Jane chilling, while Cole and Rochelle are still in the other room, pouring their hearts out to each other. The adults smirk at their effortless matchmaking skills and I guess Cole spent the night because he's at the breakfast table the next morning so Wade can ask him about Rochelle (did you two sleep together or what?) 

     It's also Christmas so Wade is very pleased when Alex drives him to Laura's facility one evening after their shift. Thanks to Barrett's illness, Jane got involved in the Festival of Trees event that is held every year in the Salt Lake valley (and other cities in the US) where volunteers design and decorate a Christmas tree using their own funds for others to bid and purchase at the main gala showing with all proceeds going to a local charity or children's hospital. As she is very behind in making all the themed ornaments needed for this year's tree, and after getting permission, Jane successfully recruited Laura and all her mental patient friends to help. Which is how Alex and Wade find her. Wade couldn't be more pleased to see his wife looking more like herself for the first time in weeks-merrily fluffing and turning the material on the pipe cleaners. 
   Everyone, including Laura (who got special permission to go on this field trip) enter the South Towne Expo Center in Sandy to see all the beautifully decorated trees. Learning Jane's tree has already sold, Laura is especially cheerful knowing her contribution made a difference. Wade is so happy, he buys lunch for everyone at the Expo Center (which doesn't have much to offer at such exorbitant prices).
   Brad, Wade's legal father, stops by later that day to see how Wade is holding up. He asks if Wade would like a father's blessing. Wade agrees. Afterwards, they decide to drive over to the facility to see if Laura would also like a blessing. Brad insists Wade be the one to speak it. Everyone feels peace and comfort.
    Days pass until, one morning at the ER, Wade notices everyone gathered around the TV in the waiting area. That's right folks, Anita Stansfield took the (yet another) liberty of inserting a real life terrorist event into one of her novels. While the December date is totally wrong, the London terrorist bombing of July 7, 2005 was very real (and yes I remember where I was when I heard the news as my own youngest brother was serving his mission along with the author's son at the time and thank goodness they were nowhere near the tragic scene when it occurred!). Wade stops dead in his tracks as two TV news reporters announce two Mormon missionaries are currently MIA, last seen boarding one of the train cars caught in the explosions. This doesn't look good.
    Wade starts freaking out because MY BROTHER IS OVER THERE, NOBODY IS CALLING ME TO TELL ME IF HE'S OKAY AND I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!
    Sorry, folks, but Elder Brian Morrison didn't make it and it looks like Wade won't be working the rest of his shift today. Lucky for all of us, good ol' Alex is there to catch Wade as he falls after Wade learns the news from Brad over the hospital phone. The non-LDS receptionist, Winona, stares in horror at Wade's reaction to the news. This might be a good opportunity for some missionary work but now is not that time.

Chapter 12

    Alex drives Wade to Brad and Marilyn's home. Alex was intending to just drop Wade off. Ever the needy partner, Wade grabs Alex begging him to come inside too because everyone in that house will have a supportive spouse at their side...except him. He NEEDS Alex to be his significant other, hold his hand, offer his shoulder for Wade to cry on. Alex reminds him that might look a little creepy. With a deep sigh, Wade resigns himself to face his grieving family...alone. 
     We get Alex's POV as he drives to his father's house. Neil is home and the irony is almost too much to bear starting with the fact that Neil hasn't had the TV on all day and, therefore, had no idea of his biological son's devastating loss. There's nothing either men can do because they're not immediate family members. Both cry manly tears before deciding to go over to Alex's home to await further updates.
    Back at Wade's parent's home, out of all the family members, Wade is taking this the hardest. He feels the life of his youngest brother has been a complete waste. A servant of the Lord killed in action. He'll never experience marriage. Never become a father or grow up to be a contributing member of society. His mother, Marilyn, offers comfort. She's felt her son's spirit with her all day today AND she found this "just in case" letter Brian wrote to his favorite big brother. Wade takes it back to the house (wanting very much to share his feelings with Barrett but he went to a friend's slumber party tonight) and reads it and can hardly believe Brian's premonition of God's hand in all things. Like Mormon and Nephi, Brian writes while he's not sure why he's having these feelings that he probably won't make it out of the missionary field alive, he KNOWS it will all be okay. "See you in heaven, big brother!" Wade also feels Elena's spirit close to him since she also had similar promptings about her own life and is comforted. 
    Wade falls asleep crying only to be awakened by Barrett's screams. Followed by Alex and Jane, Wade rushes into his favorite nephew's room (um, slumber party?). Apparently, Alex and Jane told Barrett the tragic news about his favorite Elder, the one with whom he'd been exchanging letters, dying in the bombing. The fact Elder Brian is Wade's brother and that Wade already lost his first eternal companion and now Laura sick in the hospital is what is freaking poor little Garrett out the most-POOR WADE! It just isn't fair, why would God take a missionary like that (What if it happens to me?!) Wade cradles the kid and calms him down telling him he was also troubled by these same issues but no longer. Know why? Because of this very special letter Elder Brian wrote to him. Wade reads the letter aloud. Alex and Jane cry silent tears observing this tender scene as all find peace and comfort.
    His work here done, Wade spends the rest of the chapter re-reading the letters from Elder Brian. He tells Alex and Jane about feeling Elena's spirit. All marvel for they are "truly blessed."

Chapter 13

       Days later, at work, Winona stops Wade to ask how he's doing-she hasn't seen him sobbing lately, is anything wrong? Wade just grins. Sure, his brother died in a tragic terrorist attack and his wife had a mental breakdown, leaving him all alone but he has this-the Book of Mormon. Wade holds it up before passing it to her with the challenge to read it. Wide-eyed, Winona agrees. 
     Ironically, Laura was the very last to know about any of these events-too busy basket weaving with the TV off before Patty told her. Laura gasps before bursting into tears. Her husband, the most wonderful man in the world, has been suffering all this time and she wasn't there for him! Patty tells her if she leaves now, she can just make the viewing and funeral. Patty pulls some strings and she and Laura arrive just in time to surprise Wade at the church.
    For Wade, all his dreams have come true. It's like Laura's issues never happened. Even seeing Rebecca doesn't trigger a breakdown. Instead, Laura cuddles her during the funeral service just like any normal mother would. But when it comes time to say goodbye, learning Mommy has to go, Rebecca throws a good, healthy, two-year-old tantrum while Laura, as if in a trance, is led away by Patty. Wade's married siblings, one of his brothers, takes this opportunity to rib him about his marital issues hinting this would never have happened if Wade was a real "Peter Priesthood" Mormon, adding that Wade is not their real brother anyway. Unable to think of a good comeback, Wade swallows his resentment.

Chapter 14

     Still wincing, Wade finds Brad and they have a good long talk rehashing all the old issues the reader is already very familiar with-no regrets over what happened between Brad, Neil and Marilyn who are all very proud to call Wade their shared son. Everything is going to be okay and if his siblings have a problem with it, well, their loss.
    But waiting is hard. It makes Wade cry. Again.
    We get Laura's POV now. Uncertain what day it is or how much time has passed, Laura comes awake one morning in her hospital room to realize all her tears have dried up. Encouraged, she gets up with a new resolve to live life and has a good day feeling more alive and at peace than ever before. Until later that night when she wakes up in terrible pain and has to be rushed to the hospital where it is revealed she had a miscarriage. Laura is in shock. Was it really less than nine months ago she was admitted and never had even one menstrual cycle? After being notified, Wade comes right over to hold her hand and have a good cry with her. But this time, Laura's tears are different. She wants to come home and be Laura again-wife to him and mother to Rebecca. Wade laughs promising it will happen as soon as Dr. Hadley gives the all clear and signs her release. Then they can all go home. 

Chapter 15

     Next day, Wade comes to visit Laura and makes a point to ask the doctor, privately, if it was the anti-depressant meds that caused Laura to miscarry? The doctor has to admit he's not sure. Riding in the car with Alex, later, Wade talks to Dr. Hadley on his cell phone and is very encouraged by Dr. H's opinion that the worst is over. Mentally, the doctor feels Laura is out of danger, is being taken off suicide watch and can start making plans to come home permanently. She's going to be all right. Alex has to pull over when Wade doubles over sobbing while Alex tries not to panic-What now?! Alex laughs with Wade and they drive home.
    Next evening, after getting off work, Wade is shocked to find Laura waiting for him in his bedroom upstairs, a bit apprehensive, fearing Wade might not want her back as this is just a probationary visit. Wade can hardly take his clothes off fast enough. Afterwards, they talk. Wade reassures Laura AGAIN she is the most lovable woman in the world and very worthy of being the recipient of what they just shared. Soon, they will do this every night. 
    They are downstairs eating ice cream when they hear music coming from the other room where Jane and Alex and all the kids are doing their own "Dance to Remember" It's a family party. "Unchained Melody" brings a romantic mood. Wade drives Laura back to the facility, both feeling real hope.
    When Wade comes to visit Laura two days later she is cheerful and positive but weeps at the thought of what will happen if she fails (again) at being a good enough wife and mother. Wade holds her, promising it won't be long and she'll be able to come back home and prove she never had anything to worry about. They go out for ice cream at an old fashioned ice cream parlor (if it's Leatherby's Wade and Laura have truly lowered their ice cream standards)

Chapter 16

     Wade comes up with an idea that he shares with Laura over the phone. The key to battling Satan's depression is to recognize and acknowledge the very first sign of a negative idea and ask for help to overcome it. Laura agrees. Dr. Hadley also had a similar theory which he shares with Wade at their next group therapy session. He tells Wade Laura is, right now under his direction, in an observation room with a whiteboard furiously scribbling down all the negative words she's always had about herself . He leads Wade to the one-way mirror where they observe Laura writing away using only the black, blue and red dry erase markers. Wade feels his stomach tighten as he notices the word worthless appears many times along with stupid, crazy, unlovable and tramp crossing over into words not fit to publish by Desert Book. Dr. Hadley explains this exercise is actually helping Laura let it all go...and Wade needs to do the same. Leaving Wade, the doctor enters the other room to ask Laura how she feels about what she's written about herself and that, yes, Wade has seen it. Laura bursts into tears. Wade comes in and they talk about Laura's self-depreciating feelings. Dr. Hadley hands her an eraser and Wade is ready with arms wide open to catch a sobbing Laura after she's done cleaning the board. 
    But the healing isn't complete yet. There are several more pages-just more talking and rehashing of Laura's unworthiness until Dr. Hadley invites Wade to put new words in Laura's whiteboard "mind" and Wade is more than happy to comply. "Great kisser" is one of them. They discuss more about how Laura will deal with any future suicidal thoughts and tendencies from now on. 
    Laura fears she may never stop crying...from happiness!

Chapter 17

     Encouraged by the progress made, Wade leaves. Alone in her room, Laura ponders all that happened during that last theapy session and cries with hope and gratitude. Rochelle calls Wade to inform him she's permanently settling here in Salt Lake. All set up with a new apartment and everything including meeting with her new bishop to work on getting her membership back in the church restored. She's also been seeing Dr. Hadley. Oh, and Cole helped her move into her new place. No foreshadowing needed here. 
    Next session with Dr. H includes Alex and Jane to make plans. It would appear Laura is ready to re-join society which will include living in a house with real people which makes Laura feel like a burden admitting she might spiral down again and ruin everybody's lives. Everyone assures her AGAIN how wrong she is. These are the most altruistic people in the world. Why would they mind a psycho living under their roof? Laura cries on the phone later to Wade. She hangs up and spends another hour just crying. 
     Next day, Wade brings Laura to the house but first, he must warn her, Rochelle is back in town. While Laura can barely remember the one visit her ex-best friend made at the facility months ago, she had no idea Rochelle and Wade had become friends and all the positive changes Rochelle is now making with her life. Laura CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

Chapter 18

    Wade and Laura go inside the house where everyone is thrilled Laura is here to spend Christmas. Laura and Rochelle hug and cry-officially best friends again. After dinner, Laura is feeling sleepy so she and Wade retire early. Next morning, Wade is awakened by his daughter's giggles. Laura is up and playing with Rebecca on the floor. When Wade tells her tomorrow is Christmas Eve, Laura slaps her forehead. She completely forgot. They need to go Christmas shopping! Christmas day is delightful but next day Wade is apprehensive to go to work .What if Laura spirals down again? Laura assures him she's got this.
   Several weeks pass with little drama. Wade clings desperately to the hope that Laura won't turn psycho again and have to go back to the facility but it would appear that she is, indeed, growing stronger.
  
Chapter 19

    Guess what? Winona is getting baptized. Cole and Rochelle should be announcing an engagement any time now. Laura has another brief bout of depression over Tina's death. Wade decides to present her with some framed photos of her and Tina along with other special keepsakes. On page 369, Wade goes into their room to find Laura reading...page 370 has nothing to do with the previous page
       Here is why this book gets one star both for being so poorly written and edited. "Due to a printing error the text on page 370 is placed incorrectly. Please read the pages in the following order...373," which the reader can easily skip and not miss a thing!
      Page 374- Laura comes into the kitchen one morning to find Jane battling pregnancy nausea struggling to make breakfast without puking all over the food. No one, not even Wade and Laura or the kids, knew she was expecting (Again! This will be her fifth). Alex knew, of course but being the noble, selfless person she is, Jane didn't want anyone else to know yet. Laura sends Jane back to bed and efficiently takes over the running of the household. When Wade and Alex get home, they are amazed to find a clean house, fresh baked cookies and dinner all ready to serve. Even the kids are still alive. Laura looks happier than anyone's ever seen her look in a long time. This continues for several weeks. Jane is in and out of the hospital while Laura is slowly worked off her anti-depressant meds by Dr. Hadley. Wade feels something isn't right and brings it up during their next joint-session with him. Laura breaks down sobbing with the old "I'm not worthy!" issues again. Dr. H and Wade talk her down and life continues. So far, so good.

Chapter 20

    Until one evening Wade comes home looking forward to a planned double dinner date with Neil and Roxanne to find Laura sick in the bathroom. But it's okay, folks! She is pregnant! They leave for the restaurant where Neil confides to Laura over the meal how he, himself, also struggled with depression and even spent time in a facility similar to Laura's for attempted suicide. What he learned from the experience is that the battle between good and evil here on earth is very real and at some point in our lives we have to ask ourselves, who do we trust? When Satan whispers lies in our depressed brains, how do we fight it? He then lists the many tools we have: priesthood blessings, scriptures even medication-no shame in that. Laura cries, grateful for this surrogate father providing such inspired advice so unlike her own father. Laura and Wade announce they're pregnant and everyone is happy.
    They go to the temple together a few days later, renewed by the experience, remembering their own hasty wedding but knowing it was right. They stop by Brad and Marilyn's afterwards since they haven't heard the joyous news. During the visit, Laura is struck with the significant thought of what it truly means to be a daughter of God-Just look at Marilyn! And has to excuse herself to go to the bathroom to cry. But it's a GOOD cry.
    In their bedroom that night, Wade puts on a CD and they slow dance and are perfectly happy!

Epilogue

    Jane and Laura are going to give birth around the same time, just like Jane and Elena did three years ago. Wade can't believe how time has flown. Everyone helps with the Batman-themed Festival tree. Cole baptizes Rochelle and they get married. Laura gives birth to Bradley Neil sometime after Valentine's Day. Then Wade is offered an internship at a cancer clinic in Omaha that he JUST KNOWS is the right place for him and his little family right now. Saying goodbye is hard but when Wade and Laura are settling into their new place that first night, both are so at peace they dance acapella  in the front room so as not to wake a sleeping Rebecca. Who needs music?

THE END