For Love Alone

Book Series: Trevor Family Saga (Book 5)

Publishing Date: 1999

Author: Anita Stansfield

Publisher: Covenant Communications, Inc.

Category: LDS Contemporaray Romance

Point of View: Third Person Limited: Mallory and Thomas

Chapter Count: 15

Page Count: 237

To the many friends who have helped me along the way, and continue to be a source of great support and inspiration. You know who you are. I couldn't have done it without you.

And a special thank-you to my readers…Through you, my characters have truly come to life.

Chapter 1- Mallory Taylor has had a significant blow. After a short, four year marriage and a baby girl, her husband Brad is dead.

As she sobs, Mallory recalls all the events leading up to the night Brad died. She remembers how she and Brad first met. The youngest daughter of Colin and Janna Trevor, Mallory was studying to be a dental assistant while Brad, a Boston native from a good LDS home, was about to graduate from dental school and begin his practice. They fell in love quickly. With his black hair and brown eyes complimenting her own dark hair and green eyes, (inherited from Janna) Mallory was smitten by his quiet goodness. Despite having never served a mission, he treated her like a queen which was good enough for Mallory. They married in the temple and settled in Highland, Utah (one of the many small towns along the Wasatch Front between Provo and the Salt Lake Valley now engulfed by the population explosion) on the same street as Mallory's older, married brother Matthew. Brad and Matthew hit it off. The two families began doing everything together. Sure, there were times Brad was reticent about attending the temple with her or taking the sacrament in church but he just explained he was working with the bishop on some personal worthiness issues and Mallory let it go. Brad was a good man. The perfect husband to her, father to Bethany; a responsible provider. When Mallory learned she was expecting a second child her happiness was complete; life couldn't be more perfect.

Then one day, the first warning sign came in the discovery of a pornographic magazine under the seat of the car. Brad excused it saying he loaned the car to a fellow dentist in the office but Mallory's reaction is harsh and critical. If she were that man's wife, she'd either leave him or insist he get counseling. Pornography kills. It destroys marriages and wrecks homes (just ask Susan Cox-Powell). Mallory quotes the statistics to prove it until Brad promises never to let this man borrow their car again.

That Sunday, Brad is very quiet. Mallory observes him standing over their daughter's crib that night, stroking her sleeping head and singing softly. The scene is heart-melting and Mallory eases away with a silent prayer of gratitude for her life and the good man she married.

In the middle of the night, Mallory is awakened by a gunshot. Brad is nowhere to be found. The house is eerily silent. Mallory makes her way downstairs to find the light shining under the door of Brad's study but he doesn't answer her calls or knocking. The spirit tells her, DO NOT open that door. Mallory takes Bethany and flees the house to her brother's down the street where Matthew calls the police before investigating the situation for Mallory.

Chapter 2- Matthew is very shaken when he returns. Brad was found alone, a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The police are filling out their report. He committed suicide. There's no other explanation and his motive is unknown.
Mallory falls apart. Matthew calls his parents and the Trevor clan rallies around in support of this terrible tragedy.
Now the funeral is over. Mallory has to return to the house and go on living. Her brother and mother made sure all evidence of the suicide was removed, the room professionally cleaned and carpet replaced before Mallory even had time to think about it. She's grateful.
Mallory was never close with Brad's family who always made her feel inferior. Brad's mother felt her son had married down. They came for the funeral but gave Mallory the impression she was to blame for Brad's death. It is hard to go back to an empty house with only a toddler for company but Mallory finds the strength to keep going.
March arrives and since the night is cold, Mallory decides to make a fire in the wood burning stove which hasn't been used since before Brad's death. To her surprise it is filled to overflowing with ashes. Suspicious, Mallory calls her brother who comes right over. Apparently, Brad burned several unidentified magazines and two video tapes. What on earth was he up to? Mallory decides she'll think about it tomorrow.
To his credit, Brad made sure his wife would be financially secure in the event of his death. His life insurance policy was up to date and they had no outstanding debt. He left Mallory enough to live on so she won't have to go out and look for a job, yet, but the baby is due in five months.
Just as Mallory is about to spiral down into another cycle of depression and grief, an old flame shows up on her doorstep holding a bouquet of flowers. It's Darrell from her college days. He lost his own wife recently. To suicide no less. He'd like to take Mallory out on a dinner date which she happily accepts.
To her dismay, Darrell takes Mallory to that fantastic new restaurant, Buchanan's, (not Mullboons) where Brad took Mallory on what turned out to be their last date. It's uncomfortable but knowing she has to face the reality her husband is gone, Mallory sighs and agrees to enter the crowded establishment but Darrell is not the world's best dinner date. Their server is a tall, handsome black man, around thirty. Darrell is very rude and condescending. He demands his steak was done wrong and makes a fuss, reluctantly accepting a new plate while Mallory wants to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment. Darrell takes her home, still complaining about the incompetent service. Mallory disagrees. Their server did everything he could to make their meal enjoyable. Dropping her off, Mallory accepts Darrell's weak apology regarding his behavior. Mallory realizes she spent most of the evening missing Brad and it makes her sad.

Chapter 3- Mallory knows if she wants to keep paying her mortgage and remain in the same neighborhood as her brother, she needs to start to looking for a job. Ironically, Buchanan's is hiring. Mallory applies and is called in for an interview. The owner, Thomas Buchanan, turns out to be none other than the handsome, dignified, African-American man who waited on her and Darrell last week. He remembers her but is friendly and understanding of her situation: widowed with a baby on the way but willing to work hard and pull her weight as a server and hostess. Even after the baby is born she'll stay on. Thomas admits he feels good about her and she gets the job.
Her first week goes very well. Mallory enjoys the work and is very impressed by her employer. Buchanan's is closed on Sundays, Thomas is a member of the church who relocated from California with two college degrees to start his business. He's single and lives alone.
That Sunday, with Matthew tagging along for moral support, Mallory meets with their bishop during the block of meetings. She really wants to know why her late husband met so often with him. What were these personal issues and did it have anything to do with his suicide? The bishop is surprised at her question. Didn't she know her husband had been struggling for years with a pornography addiction? Shocked, Mallory asks if they're talking about the same Brad Taylor. Matthew is no less surprised.

Chapter 4- The bishop tells Mallory her husband was making great strides to beat this addiction, doing everything he could to overcome it, but he got so discouraged after his relapses, well, it's no wonder he took the easy way out.
Matthew takes Mallory to her home where she has another emotional meltdown in the first stage of mourning: anger. She's furious at her husband. His life was a lie. They could've faced this trial together if he'd only confided in her but his affair with dirty pictures was too tempting. Janna and Colin come over to talk to their daughter. They reveal Colin's own dark secret of infidelity and Janna's long, hard path to forgive him. Mallory must do the same.
It is hard for Mallory to concentrate on her job the next day. Seeing her distress, Thomas tells her to go to his office where she can take all the time she needs. He is a victim of divorce himself so he can sympathize, to some extent, what Mallory is going through. He brings her a tray with a nice lunch and they chat while she eats. A bond of friendship is forged.
That night, Matthew and Colin come over to use Brad's computer. They call Mallory in to inform her Brad dumped a lot of files the night he died. All were pornographic photos. He had a real problem. Mallory feels like throwing up.

Chapter 5- All the stress brings on premature labor pains and Mallory is at work when she realizes she's losing the baby. Thomas insists on driving her to the hospital where she's admitted immediately. Feeling lost, Thomas finds the room and sits with Mallory until her family is contacted, wiping her tears and sharing her grief over the lost baby, her last connection to her husband.
One week later, Janna tells her daughter she lost four babies herself. Instead of feeling better, Mallory feels overwhelmed by a cloud of depression. It was her fault Brad killed himself. She just HAD to make that remark about the evils of pornography. She has another emotional meltdown in front of Matthew one Saturday morning. Unsure how to handle this, he picks up the phone and calls Janna for reinforcements. She comes right over. Everyone keeps repeating to Mallory none of this was her fault but she refuses to calm down. Janna calls her husband to come and help give Mallory a blessing.
While they're waiting, the doorbell rings. It's Thomas, all dressed up in his Sunday best, having just come from attending a session at the temple (bet he gets a lot of double takes there). He's here to check up on his favorite employee and would be happy to help with the blessing. He's invited in and warmly received by everyone. 

Chapter 6- Mallory has no problem with Thomas participating in giving her a blessing. This is post-1978 after all. The priesthood blessing helps and Mallory finds the strength to return to work and keep trudging on.
Darrell calls and she agrees to go out with him again, since no one else is asking. Mallory continues to enjoy her job in the food service industry. Fall arrives and Mallory feels motivated enough to do some deep cleaning in her home. To her alarm, porn keeps turning up in the oddest places. What a sick man her husband was. Just as the confusing emotions threaten to bring her down, Darrell asks her out again and they start seeing each other exclusively. 
Darrell gives her gifts she doesn't appreciate: new clothes in bright colors that aren't her type and gaudy jewelry she's never been into; implying he's trying to change Mallory. Christmas arrives and Mallory graciously opens yet another set of tacky jewels. Secretly, she wants to tell him off, but Mallory needs a man in her life and Darrell fills that empty place. 
January, Darrell does the most idiotic thing a man can do to ruin a relationship. He takes her to Buchanan's for a romantic dinner, the last place Mallory wants to be on her night off but he made special reservations so Mallory gives in. The last course is served with a flourish and a lot of embarrassing fanfare as the waitress (a new girl Mallory hardly knows) places an elaborate dessert in front of her with an engagement ring ostentatiously sticking out on top. Since she's already wearing one of Darrell's outfits she hates and the horrible jewelry, Mallory sees no choice but to accept his proposal. Everyone claps and congratulates them, Mallory is glad Thomas is nowhere to be seen. The whole thing felt fake, like she was playing some part in a bad rom-com.
She's moody and silent during the ride home with Darrell and when she goes into work the next day, Thomas avoids her, pouting in his office until she confronts him. Thomas tells her, as a friend, this guy is a jerk and she should dump him which only offends Mallory. She'll marry him, if only to spite everyone.

Chapter 7- Mallory's family isn't very excited about her engagement either which troubles Mallory. Is Darrell really that bad? Yes, they tell her, he's a self-righteous controlling jerk. Mallory's doubts about Darrell's character are further validated when she receives a phone call from Darrell's wife's family. She felt compelled to warn Mallory, her sister was driven to suicide thanks to Darrell's emotionally abusive, misogynistic, behavior. This is why Darrell doesn't have custody of his two daughters who are in the care of relatives. While he's a successful OB/GYN, he's not fit to be a husband or father. Mallory should call off her engagement and run.
Despite fasting and praying for guidance, this phone call seems to be the answer. Mallory gathers her courage, including all his gifts and the ring, goes to Darrell's house and tells him, in person, the wedding is off.
She leaves before he can protest and since this is before the age of cell phones, Mallory drives all over Utah county to avoid going home and facing the answering machine. She ends up at the restaurant to find Thomas closing up for the night. He's glad to see her and relieved to hear she's called off her engagement. They have a good, long talk over dinner that Thomas prepares himself. Along with his interests as a foodie, Thomas keeps busy doing his genealogy work and submitting names to the temple. Thomas has a fascinating family history. He's traced his ancestors as far back as the slaves ships and the plantations they were sold to where they were actually treated quite well (which is hard to believe). After they were freed, his father's family took the plantation name, Buchanan, and migrated to the North while his mother's family migrated to California after the second world war. Mallory is impressed.

Chapter 8- Darrell comes pounding on Mallory's door the next morning but she stands her ground. She's not reneging on her decision and she doesn't want to get into details. Their relationship is over. Darrell slumps away with his tail between his legs.
Next, Mallory gets a disturbing phone call from Brad's mother who tells Mallory, straight out, she drove Brad to suicide and everything is all her fault. Mallory hangs up before calmly phoning Janna who suggests Mallory get a second opinion. Mallory calls one of Brad's sisters who admits both her father and Brad had problems with pornography. Brad's father was responsible for introducing his son to it while her mother was always in denial, refusing to acknowledge the problem. Nobody in the house growing up was sexually abused, as far as she knows. All they can do is try and break the cycle by teaching their children to Fight the New Drug.
Grateful she made the call, Mallory begins to feel some closure over Brad's death. Then, one day in May, Thomas approaches her at work to ask her out. The dangers of office romances notwithstanding, Mallory is intrigued by the idea. 
Thomas takes her to a nice restaurant, "To keep tabs on the competition," he says. They enjoy a wonderful meal and fascinating plot exposition as Thomas tells Mallory his own story of growing up Baptist in central California with one younger brother, Robert. His father ran a successful restaurant but his parents divorced, his mother died several years later and both boys stayed with their dad, who was a good man, helping him run the business. When he was sixteen, a Mormon friend at school introduced Thomas to the church. After serving a mission to (where else?) Africa, he met his wife, a fellow black woman, at church and they married in the temple. During this time, his father's health began to fail while Robert took up a wild and irresponsible lifestyle.
Just like in the Bible, the prodigal son returned but Robert managed to pull the wool over everyone's eyes, pretending to change, swindling Thomas out of his share of the inheritance and stealing his wife away to boot. After his father died, Thomas relocated to Utah to try and make a life for himself. It's taken two years to come to terms with his brother and ex-wife's deception and treatment of him, but he's doing very well and has learned to be happy and find peace.

Chapter 9- After the movie, Thomas sees Mallory safely home. They both have to work the next day and while the restaurant is very busy, Mallory feels a tingle of attraction every time she and Thomas catch each other's eye. She likes him and the color of his skin makes no difference to her.
Thomas wants to take her out again. Mallory suggests he come over and help babysit as she owes her brother a night off. Thomas arrives and Mallory feeds him dinner before Matthew and Melody bring their children. 
Using basic ingredients in her kitchen, Thomas whips up Mallory's favorite dessert they serve at the restaurant. She marvels at this man who is good with children and even better in the kitchen where he insists on cleaning up after himself. He's the perfect man. She could see herself in a relationship with him, but could she ever get past her feelings for Brad and the recent burn by Darrell?
Bethany is put to bed, Matthew's children are collected and Thomas is left alone in the kitchen with Mallory where he takes the opportunity to kiss her and declare his feelings for her. Mallory returns his kiss, giddy with infatuation.
At work the following Monday, Thomas and Mallory keep sneaking off to be alone where they can make out. Next day, he takes her on a date to the temple. Mallory realizes she could marry this man but the thought scares her.

Chapter 10-Wednesday, Mallory calls in sick with menstrual cramps. Thomas proves what a sweetheart he is by coming over to nurse her and bringing the fast food she's craving. (Lucky woman, the only thing I ever crave while doubled over in pain is Midol.) Mallory refills her hot water bottle (hot rice packs are better) and relaxes on the couch while Thomas takes care of everything. Mallory tells him more about her first marriage, including the pornography issues that drove her husband to suicide.
Thomas invites Mallory over for dinner at his place that Friday. Bethany can't come until Mallory's had the chance to scope out the bachelor pad and make sure it's baby-proof. Matthew is happy to babysit and Mallory arrives at the condo, a little nervous at how fast this relationship is moving but Thomas makes her feel right at home. Mallory admires his prints on the wall reflecting African culture, Martin Luther King and a picture that reminds both of them of the 1977 TV-miniseries, Roots (an excellent film everyone needs to see, but the book is better). Overcome by white guilt, Mallory starts to cry. Her pioneer heritage seems so lame. What's a little frostbite while crossing the plains compared to the suffering of human bondage? Thomas eases her head to his shoulder and comforts her.
Mallory brings Thomas to her family's Mother's Day barbecue where he fits right in. The family accepts him without question and he's grateful beyond words. 
Mallory's older sister gets married over the summer. Thomas attends the temple wedding and reception with Mallory. Afterwards, he declares he's ready to marry again, if Mallory will have him. Mallory is hesitant. This is a big step. She takes Janna aside to ask her, straight out, how she would feel if her daughter married a man like Thomas. Janna says it would be fine. Mallory continues to drag her feet. Thomas tries to be patient but he's anxious for an answer. He tells Mallory to take a few days off. Fast, pray, attend the temple, get a priesthood blessing, do whatever she needs to get in touch with her feelings.

Chapter 11- But Mallory doesn't follow through. She's not ready to move forward. Overcome with frustration, Thomas pays a visit to the home of Colin and Janna Trevor who advise him to give Mallory an ultimatum: either set a date or he's moving on.
Upset by Thomas's ultimatum, Mallory calls her mother who advises her to do some deep soul searching, along with staying physically and emotionally healthy so she can be better in tune with the spirit. Mallory gets a priesthood blessing, attends the temple and leaves with a new perspective on Brad's death and a firm answer that marrying Thomas Buchanan is the right thing to do. 
She can hardly wait to tell him.
Next day at work, they leave the restaurant and drive to one of the malls in the Salt Lake Valley where they sit near the indoor carousel (South Towne in Sandy as opposed to the less respectable West Valley "Ghetto" mall) and talk. 
As they make wedding plans, (Thomas will be moving in with Mallory) it begins to occur to both Mallory and Thomas that not everyone in the ward and neighborhood are going to be so accepting of their inter-racial marriage. Thomas compares himself to other minorities, such as handicapped people, (a weak comparison) and the prejudice he's dealt with all his life. It's hard sometimes, thanks to Bruce R. McConkie, but he just tries not to let other people's rude comments at church bother him as a black man in a predominately white religion and area. The church is still true, even if the people aren't. He warns Mallory, prejudice goes both ways as those in his own family will look down on her as a condescending white woman who can't be trusted. 
Armed with the knowledge that they can endure any hardship, together, including children whose skin might be a different shade than their neighbors, Thomas attends church with Mallory that Sunday. There are some looks but, for the most part, everyone is happy for them. Mallory gets up in testimony meeting the following week when Thomas is absent to take her ward family to task which helps ease some of the awkwardness. Unlike her engagement to Darrell, Mallory is looking forward to being called Mrs. Buchanan.

Chapter 12- Buchanan's has a new hire, a woman whose husband is lying in a coma in the hospital; the result of a suicide attempt. Mallory goes into shock, hearing this. There but for the grace of God...
Frantic with worry, Thomas searches for Mallory who left without telling anyone to go for a long walk in the pouring rain. Fall is here and it is very cold. Mallory is shivering as Thomas helps her into his car. He takes her home and orders her into a hot shower. Mallory curls up on the bed, depressed and unresponsive while Thomas plugs in the hair dryer and dries her hair for her: first one side, then flips her over so he can do the other. He pulls her into his arms and leans against the headboard. At last, Mallory opens up about this latest development in her grieving process.
Feeling better, Mallory decides to tackle one last junk drawer in the house, all Brad's. As she dumps it out, she sees an envelope with her name on it stuck to the bottom. It's Brad's suicide note, deliberately placed here by Brad, who anticipated Mallory's grief. He loves her and Bethany, hopes she can forgive him and that one day she will meet a good man who will treat her the way she always deserved. Poignant is the only word to describe Mallory's feelings. 

Chapter 13- The wedding announcements are mailed off and Brad's mother calls, all upset, over the kind of family her granddaughter will grow up in. Mallory hangs up on her.
Mallory and Thomas attend the funeral for the husband who attempted suicide where Mallory finds some additional closure. The woman is relieved to have it all over and finalized. Her no-good husband is dead and she is grateful beyond words for this job at Buchanan's so she can support her family.
A few members of Thomas's family, two aunts, come to Utah to meet Mallory. They are colorful and warm and full of southern hospitality. They have accepted their Mormon nephew is marrying a white woman and have come to show their support and attend the reception.
The temple wedding is beautiful. Thomas and Mallory kneel across the alter to be married for time only, since Mallory is still sealed to Brad. Thomas has admitted he's having trouble accepting this technicality but they can deal with that later. Now, it's time for the honeymoon!
True to the Stansfield theme of newlywed frugality, Thomas and Mallory stay in Utah, traveling to Moab, Arches and the Grand Canyon. (How boring, since neither ever mentioned any interest in the outdoors: hiking, repelling, spelunking. So they just drove around?)
Apparently, Thomas is quite the passionate lover. They host Colin and Janna for dinner shortly after returning from their honeymoon where Mallory and her mother have a chance to talk privately while Mallory prepares her daughter for bed. Mallory confides to Janna her discovery that making love to Thomas is a very different experience from Brad who didn't always want to do...everything and blamed Mallory for his lack of sexual fulfillment; Mallory had always believed him, that she was the one with the problem. Janna is furious. Anyone who covers up their own lack of self-worth by putting down and destroying the self-worth of others is evil! Mallory cries in her mother's arms as she understands there was never anything wrong with her.

Chapter 14- In no time at all, Mallory gives birth to a baby boy they name Spencer. It's family reunion time as a "who's who" of every past Anita Stansfield book is paraded through the narrative. Colin and Janna's good friends: Jack and Hilary Hayden, Ammon and Allison Mitchell, Sean and Tara O'Hara. The gang's all here! Everyone is in town to celebrate the blessing of Spencer by his proud father. Thomas is still troubled, though, by the fact that neither Mallory nor his son are sealed to him. Sean reassures Thomas everything will make sense in the eternities and God will take care of everything.
A few months later, Thomas and Mallory have a surprise visitor. His ex-wife decided she was bored with Robert and thought she'd drop in on Thomas and see if he was still available. She's not happy to find her plan has been ruined by Mallory. She leaves but a misunderstanding has Mallory believing Thomas was considering taking her back. She's very upset.
They go for a drive, everything is cleared up but the tension remains. Just then, a deer crosses the highway and cars start swerving. Mallory screams as Thomas slams on the breaks. Defying the laws of physics, their car slides sideways, crossing two lanes of traffic with nary a dent before coming to a complete stop on the side of the road. Thomas and Mallory cling to each other in gratitude for their lives.
Upset that one of them could've been killed in anger, without the security of eternal marriage, Thomas and Mallory recommit themselves to trusting each other and will do their best to avoid any future arguments about fidelity in their marriage again.
To the dismay of Thomas, his brother, Robert, phones. His wife leaving hit him hard. He wants to try and make up for his past wrongs against his brother. Thomas is doubtful of his sincerity. He's not sure he can ever forgive him.

Chapter 15- To show how serious he is about changing his ways, Robert shows up at their doorstep one evening just as the family is sitting down to dinner. He's come in person to ask forgiveness. He's been taking the missionary discussions and wants his brother to baptize him. This is why his (their?) wife left him. She wasn't comfortable with coming back into full activity in the church, giving up their comfortable lifestyle. So, here he is. 
Thomas weeps. He believes his brother and would be happy come to California to perform the ordinance.
Sean O'Hara telephones a few days later. He wants to introduce Thomas and Mallory to some very special friends of his, they'll only be in town a short while to visit and they really need to meet each other. Can they come for dinner? The invitation is accepted and babysitting arrangements are made. 
That's right, Michael and Emily Hamilton have come all the way from Australia to visit and who else but Michael can relate best to Thomas's frustration and fear of ending up a lone man in the eternities with no wife or family? Thomas and Mallory listen as Michael and Emily share their journey, how they came to learn for themselves that if being together for eternity is what they really want, then God will make it possible for them. Michael was able to forgive Emily's first husband and find peace with their situation. Encouraged by such an inspiring story, Thomas blinks back his tears and thanks them. 
Conversation turns to Sean and Tara's story which leads to Emily asking if Sean has heard from Melissa lately and a brief summary of A Promise of Forever is given. Michael has one to top them all. His great-grandparents, Jess and Alexa Byrnehouse-Davies suffered many ups and downs before their happily-ever-after.
But that's another story and shall be told at another time.
Driving to California together. Thomas squeezes Mallory's hand and they marvel at how blessed they are.

THE END

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Anita Stansfield has a letter for her readers. She's taking a break from contemporary fiction, delving into historical fiction as her next project. With the completion of this, her eleventh novel, and this large cast of modern-day characters she's created, it's time she backtracked to 1880's Australia where Michael Hamilton's origin story really began. She's about to unleash a manuscript she started working on when First Love was just a twinkle in her eye. Another Christmas story is also in the pipeline. She hopes everyone will enjoy this next leg of the journey to other places around the world and the new characters her readers will meet. (Don't worry, Anita, we will!)